so I decided to no longer speak to my ex because we were actually very close still even after breaking up but he was giving me less attention and wasn’t there anymore. Wouldn’t properly listen to me and stuff and it made me feel belittled. We stopped talking 5 days ago but it ended kind of petty way so I messaged him a long message yesterday being thankful and stating why and when I got hurt and that I am proud of him for other things. He did the same. He did mention that he’s more appreciative of me after not talking for a bit and he see’s how much I care and he’s embarrassed by the way he had acted and all of those things. He regrets not calling me his “girlfriend” and all of that. But now we are done since we haven’t texted since the closure. He knows how much I tried to make things work and he said he felt like an idiot for not seeing that blah blah.
I am getting over it but I think what hurts most about this closure is that he states all of these things but then again if he wanted to make things work or regrets anything in any way, why not try? Or try before? U know? He holds such a big amount on my heart and it breaks me so much to see all my effort gone to waste and someone never fighting for me. I just want someone to fight for me and want me regardless. If you want something, you do everything you can to take it. He just wasn’t emotionally mature and it sucks.
I know. I don’t numb out toxic wise, it’s more so I begin to feel less for people who try to act all “cutesy” with me. I’ve had guys try to pretend they’re sweeet and say things like “I’ll treat u better” but oh those are the ones who end up being the worst lol. I know I don’t deserve anything less ever so I hope to find someone who will give me the world and more. But I’m scared I won’t feel anything for them. I knew someone awhile back and he was very sweet and treated me very kind, kissed my head, my hand, always opened the door for me, dinner dates, etc. but I wasn’t physically attracted to him as much and things just ended. I have been craving physical intimacy as well but I just don’t want to seek that from someone random but it’s so hard to.