Hi there and welcome back to another episode of Bitch Slap Kitchen, where we cook food like it owes us money. Today we’re making some delicious backhand chicken.
Suspend a whole chicken in midair form some string or something, haul back, and swing at about mach 5, a little less. You’re probably not going to have any intact glass anywhere in your house and you’ll probably set off some car alarms in the shopping district but you’ll have a table ready main course in milliseconds.
His number are off due to the idea that chicken is cooked at 400F. Yikes!
OMG, I asked copilot to read the text and fix it to 168 degrees F.
I expected it to give me text and for it to be horrible,
what It did was so much worse and so must more impressive.
So has anyone who’s actually cooked a chicken before done the math? Because my guy just slapped this poor bird into pure carbon. Did he mean to do 205°F? It’s still too high, but it would at least be edible.
In general, chicken needs to be heated to 74C or 165F for a few seconds to kill off dangerous pathogens.
Here is a list of other times and temperatures for chicken to be considered safe
Yeah yeah we get it, Newton will fry your hand and pls don’t cook a chicken to 205°C core temp.
BUT! What kinda physics major forgets Newton AND the fact that you won’t convert kinetic energy into heat with 100% efficiency?
I know, three math majors in a trench coat, that’s who’ll forget it.
This guy engineers! Real world applications experience vs math
Introducing the pneumatic oven range. Place the chicken in the can and press the button… No mess cooking and bone meal blending! High calcium foods!
Gotta love how everyone forgot about Newton in all this. Enjoy your instantly well-cooked hand, which is also made of meat.
My man, if you slapped something at 32,000 miles per hour, you don’t have a hand to cook anymore :P
That’s something like mach 4.8 at sea level?
Double the food. Sweet!
As your friendly neighborhood person with knowledge about food and cooking, 2 pounds is an absurd weight for an uncooked rotisserie chicken, that is a very small and cooked weight, 4-6 pounds is going to be typical. Also, more importantly, you cannot cook something faster by increasing the temperature past a pretty quick point, meat is an excellent insulator. No slap can cook the inside of a frozen chicken unless the entire chicken disintegrates.
Tbf though, a slap at 3700 mph would absolutely disintegrate the chicken.
Also, if you cooked it to 400 degrees it would be disgusting. You just need to cook it to 165. This guy might know about physics but he has never cooked anything before.
I’ve read that bone-in chicken should actually get to 190°F as this is when the collagen renders, but Idk it was on the Internet so…
This is basically the foundation of barbecue. Off you have a cut of meat that’s tough and high in connective tissue, if you cook it at a low temperature for a long time, once it gets around 190 the collagens start to break down and the meat gets tender. Things like chuck roasts, brisket, pork shoulder.
This has nothing to do with chicken though. A chicken breast, bone in or not, will be disgustingly dry at 190 degrees.
Speak for yourself, I love a good carbonized chicken
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Shredded chicken it is
And your hand
A guy on YT actually tried it experimentally a few years ago (how many slaps, not how fast one slap); and it works to some degree! The main problem becomes to make a slapping machine that can survive long enough:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LHFhnnTWMgI&pp=ygURc2xhcCBjb29rIGNoaWNrZW7SBwkJzgkBhyohjO8%3D
YouTube is truly a wonder of stupidity. Sometimes in good ways
This slap question was a big meme several years ago, and when that video came out (years after the meme), it was an instant hit.
The fact that this discussion is still going shows how popular it is
IDK, might be laying the groundwork for future kinetic cookers.
He also did a turkey a couple years after that for “slapsgiving”
Lord have mercy on folks cooking their chicken to 400 F. Those birds will come out as dry as the sands of the Sahara.
Yes that is about 2.5 times the recommended safe temp. I am not going the math though.
Only ~40% higher - make sure to use absolute units when taking a ratio of temperatures.
https://youtu.be/hzMzFGgmQOc?t=285
“well done steaks. if I see a speck of red, it’s going back. you better cook my food”.
Signed, a well done meat enjoyer.
I mean, false equivalency, don’t you think? I have yet to meet an enjoyer of medium-rare chicken, probably because the Salmonella or Listeria already took them out
Right. You can get away with it in beef because the pathogens for that are on the surface. As long as the outside is cooked, it’s technically safe to eat. (This does not apply to ground beef, which is all mixed up).
Chicken and pork have pathogens throughout the meat. They must be cooked all the way through.
Technically false. Taenia saginata (beef tapeworm) embeds itself in a cystic form in the skeletal muscle of cattle and is transmitted to humans through consumption of undercooked, contaminated beef. Not very common in North America, and relatively easy to catch during inspection, but youre wrong that undercooked beef is safe to eat, strictly from technical standpoint.
Also, can you provide evidence of your claim that pathogens only infect the ‘surface’ of beef, but penetrate chicken and pork?
That being said, I will always order beef tartare from a reputable restaurant if it’s offered. yolo
It’s commonly known among sous vide cooking. The internal temp for sous vide beef is often <60C, and that makes some people nervous. However:
https://www.americastestkitchen.com/articles/1131-is-sous-vide-safe
First, let’s talk about what’s dangerous. A few types of bacteria in particular are responsible for most foodborne illness: Salmonella, Escherichia coli, and Campylobacter jejuni. Salmonella, a resilient group of bacteria that is most commonly found in poultry and eggs, is ingested by chickens, and then contaminates their muscle tissue, intestines, and ovaries. Salmonella can migrate into the muscle of chickens, meaning that they are contaminated not just on the surface but also inside the meat. Escherichia coli is a general group of bacteria that reside in the intestines of many animals, including humans. But if ingested, some strains of E. coli can wreak havoc. Campylobacter jejuni is a spiral-shaped bacteria that causes one of the most common diarrheal illnesses in humans in America.
(Edit: emphasis added above)
This may not be true with techniques like blade tenderization. That can transfer pathogens from the surface to the internals.
Taenia saginata will die in only 5 minutes at 56C, which is quite a low temp even for sous vide. In fact, most beef jerky recipes will typically set the dehydrator’s temperature higher than that. It’s typical that slightly lower temps will work if it’s done for longer–jerky and sous vide usually takes several hours–but I don’t have a chart handy for taenia saginata specifically.
Fascinating! Thank you for being informative. Truly appreciate it.
Typical physicist, ignoring enthalpy of phase changes. Starting from 1C defrosted makes a huge difference from 0C as the melting takes up a ton more energy/slaps. Their underslapped chicken would give you salmonella
They haven’t considered rate of slap. Significant heat transfer to environment even at 10 slaps per second.
They’re also assuming sea level standard atmospheric conditions. You may need to reduce rate of slap at altitude.
Also only about half the heat goes into the chicken and the other half into the hand used for slapping
I believe we’re well on our way to developing the worlds first slap coefficient.
This assumes both have the same amount of heat capacity * mass. A hand with heat insulating gloves would also significantly reduce heat loss.
Better do it in a vacuum though, you’ll lose energy to air resistance
Also completely neglecting that not all the energy in a slap will be transferred to thermal energy in the chicken.
Assume a spherical chicken…
Slap the salmon
🤔
And the phase change from uncooked to cooked.
Where do I find cooked in the phase diagram?
205°C 😂😂😂
Common sense and physicists are common enemies
I confirm this as a physics PhD. I also understand exactly this thinking of assuming a system is in thermal equilibrium where it is far from it (like a chicken in am oven).
Maybe they like their chicken fucking black
Well otherwise it has to stay at some 100 degrees for quite a long time to consider it cooked
You need the chicken to be 165F or 74C to be food safe. It takes a long time to cook at 100-200C because the heat is being transferred much slower. If we’re using this instant slap-based cooking method, it only needs to get to the food safe temperature.
Using the OP’s calculations and a cooked temperature of 74C:
It would take 8315 average slaps
or
A slap at around 813m/s or 1819mph.
*Edit for a correction to the second calculation (it still might be wrong), also, I rounded the numbers to whole integers.
I rounded the numbers to whole integers
whole integers, the best kind of integers
Look, I just finished my medical board exams recently. My brain is running on the power of about 2/3rds of a yukon gold potato here.
Where’s the link to the YouTube video where someone tried this? I remember listening to it last time someone posted this.
Bro really wanted his chicken well done at 400°F
Naw, that’s burnt.
Maillard reaction where things brown starts at 350f.
More than 165/175 in the center and that’s dried out.
The mallard reaction is only relevant when cooking duck.
I saw your username first.
Then I misread the rest as a Mallard Reaction.
I thought about making an intentional joke about being the “mallard reaction” and saying “isn’t that quackers” or something, and decided to not confuse people.
that only happens in ducks
If you spatchcock your bird then you’ve only gotta slap your cock to about 150°F at the thickest part of breast
naturally. Best to slow it down and keep it juicy, too. I like smoking them at about 200 f, it’s perfection.
also… way to make spatchcocking sound even dirtier than it is. the no cooks here are probably thinking it’s some sort of sex act and the rest of us are wondering if it’s not also some sort of sex act.
spatchcocked birds also kinda look like a random roadkill animal to the ignorant, idk if you care about who sees you grillin
This is why you carve before getting to the table. Or at least break it into parts.
