BrerChicken

This is so much more complex than the HGP

Yeah, remember when you used to have to buy minutes??! With some plans you could roll over unused minutes, but with others you couldn’t! Like 20 bucks for 100 minutes and you couldn’t even save them from month to month! I’m glad those days are gone, but I’m not sure we’re paying any less…

I did a similar thing, but I would tell them the phone number of the public phone I was calling from, so they could call me and we could have a normal conversation. If they didn’t call right away, I’d do it again, knowing they’d be waiting for the number this time.

So much

For large sums of money, it’s pretty common to use cashier’s checks, which is probably the kind of check that they’re talking about here.

I mean you shouldn’t sell your car, but selling what amounts to a toy, in order to buy a bit nicer ring than you can afford, is a good way to get some extra cash AND show that you’re in it to win it.

Apparently as long as it’s not a paper towel you’re alright. So go ahead and wipe your tush.

Orcas are dolphins, but porpoises are not.

As an actual 40 YO divorced dust that used apps for a bit, I felt weird doing 10 +/-, but I can’t imagine there are THAT many guys with such a wide range.

It’s complicated right?!? I’m sorry about your mom, but I’m glad you’ve been able to find some success and a partner in life.

Other people’s ideas of what we should do with our skills are such a pain. I definitely understand why so many performers prefer to remain anonymous!! Good luck to you my friend. I hope you can keep making music in exactly the way that you want to!

Parent tantrums are the easiest thing in the world to avoid. First of all, when you’re at a real impasse you should just do what they parent asks. They’re not our children. But sometimes parents ask for this that are just not possible. If they get unruly then you let them go. They can’t come meet with you at the school without permission, and you don’t have to respond to their emails or phone calls when they’re getting ridiculous. The minute they become unreasonable, all you have to do is tell them that if they’d like to continue communicating they’re going to have to make an appointment to come see you at the school. If they do that you make sure there’s someone in the room with you when they come. They hardly ever come. Then they can come get it out of their system for a half hour while the administrator or the counselor or whoever you have helps deflect them.

This is a skill that comes with time. You just don’t have to argue with parents unless you choose to.

For me it’s playing music. I had awesome grades in HS and had a full ride, but I was a way better drummer than pretty much anyone I knew. I played in a bunch of bands, and was invited to join one of the more well-known local bands in my pretty big city. I ended up giving up my scholarship to go try and make it with them. We made a record in a nice studio and went on tour and it was a promising start. By the time I was 20 I had seen most of the US. But even though I loved touring, I hated having to play every night, no matter what I was feeling. Playing original music with my friends always used to make me feel better, but having to do it all the time made it stop having that healing affect on me. Instead of making me feel better it was just another obligation that I had to do, no matter how I was feeling.

I was devastated when I realized that I had nothing to help me through the hard days. And I had a lot of hard days. As it turns out, I had untreated PTSD, generalized anxiety disorder, and type 2 bipolarity. Music was very much one of my go to strategies, and without it my symptoms got way worse. So playing music professionally ended up increasing my symptoms and also got rid of my only successful strategy for living with my symptoms.

We ended up having to take an extended break, during which I went back to school and finished my degree. For the first time since I was 8 I didn’t have my drums set up in my house. And for the first time since I was 15, I wasn’t playing in a single band. Normally I played in multiple bands, because they only practice once a week, and there are 7 nights!! But now I wasn’t playing at all. I had no desire to play. I went out on tour with my friend’s band just to travel and help, I didn’t play. And that was super fun, but I still had no desire to play

I lived like that for two miserable years before I slowly started playing again. But it’s no longer my career, or even a dream of a career, like it used to be. It’s way too important to me for me to ruin it by trying to get rich and live my rockstar dream. And now that I have actual rockstar friends, people who I played with who are in famous bands, I know what the life is like. And it’s really not a fantasy. Those MOFOs work hard, and they’re on the road for months and months at a time.

So that’s my best skill, but I don’t do it for a living. I’ve been playing in bands consistently my whole life, even as I went back to grad school, and then started my professional career as HS science teacher. But it’s been mostly cover bands, which honestly pays way more than I used to make except for our very biggest shows. But it’s not worth it and I’m just not willing to do it professionally. The first band I joined when I moved to my current state, we ended up getting a great reputation, and we ended up getting more and more shows. The other guys were doing this for a living, but I was just trying to have fun learning new songs and playing for people. Eventually I got tired and stopped, and swore off playing for money. This had been the ideal set up, playing with a really good friend, and it still got old. So I stopped playing for money. I did continue playing, but I just didn’t accept payment, and also felt okay calling in if I just want feeling it that day. I gave up $400 bucks or so on one show when we filled up this one little venue where people paid $20 a head. It was a fundraiser for our little hippie church, so I just donated my portion. But for ten years I wouldn’t accept any payment at all.

But it’s hard to say no. The thing is I’m honestly really good. I can play really well in any style, and I’m fucking great with rock and especially fast/heavy rock. So anyone that physically hears me play, if they have a band or even know of someone who has a band, I get asked. I literally went 5 years without playing anywhere at all except for on the band room at the high school where I teach. But then I ended up getting pulled into giving drum lessons by the owner of the music shop where I would buy gear, because he wanted a drum teacher for his own son. And the world needs rock and roll. So I let myself be talked into giving lessons, but only how and when I wanted to. So I took a few students on, and we ended up becoming friends. But then of course one day he needed a drummer to fill in for his regular guy. And shove I give lessons at his place, he knows I have chops. I came to a couple rehearsals, learned their whole set list, and we played a few shows where all I have to do is show up with my throne, my sticks, and my book. I get there and everything is set up for me. I’m a total fucking prima Don, but they want me and I’m just not willing to sacrifice anything at all. It was fun, and they asked me if I’d book some more with them and I said sure, but before I knew it we we’re doing 2-3 shows a week during the summers, which is NOT what I wanted to do with my summers off as a teacher! So I told them they could have me for one show and one rehearsal a month, and that’s it. I’m still violating my rules, but playing once a month gives it enough time between playing the songs so that they don’t hurt my brain anymore. Playing Stevie Wonder 3 times a week sucks. But playing it once a month is tolerable. And I like it when pretty women try to get me to notice them. I’m a single dad and I don’t date, but I do like it when pretty women give me those intense stares while they’re dancing. I swear watching a dude okay the drums while he makes you grind is definitely a lot of womens’ thing. So it’s sustainable, and technically I’m still doing it professionally, but really it’s more of a hobby that I can get paid to perform and teach. (Teaching pays way more than performing, but I physically can’t teach more than three lessons a day so there’s no hope in it for me!)

Meanwhile I finally have my own band again, where we’re writing our own songs. I know that the other players want to eventually play these songs, and I know people are going to like it because they always like it, and we’re doing something that no one else around here is doing. So we’re eventually going to have to play out. But I still have young kids, and I’m just not that into building a name. I’ll eventually tour with my old band again, and I’ll probably try to take this group on the road and play some big shows here if we ever build up a following with our recorded music (which we’re definitely going to release.) But I don’t want to play music for a living, and I don’t think anyone should do professionally the one thing they really need and they they love more than anything else. If you can deal with it not doing what it used to do, then that’s no problem. But if you depend on it for your happiness then you should probably not try to make it your whole life. I know there are people who can do that, but those people mostly either don’t have a choice because it’s the ONLY thing they can do, or else they have money enough to where they don’t have to make money doing it and can still devote as much time as they want to it.

I make 6 figures for 174 days of work every year. I’ve always had awesome admin until this year, but on the whole I have more fun watching them bloviate with that deer in the headlights look.

Most parents are awesome as long as you’re respectful and give them the final say. Ultimately, it’s their kid, so if we don’t agree on something even after they understand my reasoning, I’ll do what they ask. I’m sure there’s SOMETHING I wouldn’t cave on, but in 15 years as a science teacher it’s never reached that point. But I think if you make it clear from the beginning that they have the final say, it’s easier for them to trust you. So many of us think we know their kids better than they do, or that we know what’s best for their kid. With that kind of attitude parents are going to push back. 🤷‍♂️🤷‍♂️ Who can blame them?

Lots of people complain about teaching, and in most districts the job sucks. But there are still places where we’re valued as professionals. And even in the bad districts, like where I began my career in South Florida, when you close the door it’s just you and the kids. If that’s your jam then it’s fun as hell. I teach physics, intro and AP, and I have an insane amount of fun even though most of my students start out absolutely hating introductory physics (which all 9th graders have to take).

I second The Moon is a Harsh Mistress, which is one of my favorite Heinlein books. There’s an awesome AI in that book named Mike, and think about him all the time when I’m talking to my Google assistant. Manuel was nice to Mike, and I want to follow in his example.

Stuff doesn’t make us happy, people do. It’s always been like that. If we spend less time with people, in person, we will be less happy.

Can we talk more about your aversion to libraries? You can get great digital and audio books, and I don’t see a big difference getting a digital book from the library versus downloading one from PG. Is it an app issue?