Fun fact, this is why I got laid so much in Mexico. I took so much straight dong on that trip I should have gotten frequent fliers miles

I’ve mentioned it on here before, I think. It’s one of my favorite stories. The look on his face was absolutely horrific and hilarious. I asked him several times afterwards how his pregnant sinuses were. He did not find it as funny as I did.

But not from Tennessee.

🎶I got a brand new pair of roller skates you got skint you knees, let’s get to together and touch together our peepees🎶

I love telling this story, but I’ll warn beforehand it’s explicit.

! so, one time I was getting a blow job from this dude who was sort of newly out as bi curious. So, he asked if he could suck me off because he’d never done it before. Anyway, when I came, he didn’t pull off and decided he was going to swallow, and since he was still really new and nervous, I thought it would be hilarious if I said “no homo” when I came.

Unfortunately, he also thought that was hilarious, and laughed while swallowing. Ever seen milk come out of a kids nose in the cafeteria? That. But with spunk !<

Can I know what that religion is?

I can’t find a source right now, because I just woke up and I don’t want to, so (Trust Me Bro, et al, 2024) but there’s a chance that quote is actually about Nazis!

A lot of French people referred to them as “the others” and would often speak sort of semi-codedly about them in writing and such so as not to piss off their new overlords. So that line may well not have been “I’m such an introvert that being around other humans is like being in hell” but instead “hell has delivered itself to my doorstep in the form of goose-stepping bastards”

I once had a conversation with a cashier in TN that started with a newspaper by check out saying something about remembrance day in England. I explained it’s basically like their version of Memorial Day. It ended with me having to explain what Europe is. A super abridged synopsis:

Me: It’s basically their version of Memorial Day.

Her: why do they need a different version?

Me: they’re a different country, different laws.

Her: it’s not really a different country if you can drive to it

Me:… What

Her: I mean, it’s basically just the same country

Me: you cannot drive to England.

Her: you can’t?

Me: it’s an island.

Her: I thought it was Europe?

Me: you also cannot drive to Europe.

I then had to explain what Europe was, how England is Europe in the same way Puerto Rico is North America. I shouldn’t have included that. Or tried to explain armistice day. It was a very long conversation that ended up going outside during her smoke break.

She was the second grown adult I had to explain Europe to. Tennessee has failed it’s children, y’all. I’m not being funny, and contrary to OP’s premise, I don’t really judge them for this. I judge the state and the school system. It’s bad.

If someone is cleaning a floor and I have to walk over it, they’re getting several sorrys and at least 2 thank yous, while I do that shrink my body to the side and putting my palms out towards them like a peasant not trying to be whipped by a landed gentry.

I’ve mopped professionally. It sucks.

Hey, sorry I haven’t replied. I switched to a different account (@dharmacurious@slrpnk.net) and haven’t checked this one.

I’ve been doing a lot of sewing. Mainly dog toys and pillows for making life a little more comfy :)

I’m not gonna lie, I straight up love taco bell. I avoided it for years and years because of the stereotype about it making you sick or being cheap and gross. Then I was out a few years ago and had 2 dollars in change and an empty belly. That shit was good and no stomach upset. It’s now my go to fast food, especially considering it’s easy as hell to get veggie options.

Also, gas/bloat is not specific to taco bell, it’s fucking beans. Eat anything with beans and you’re gonna get gassy. Not directed specifically at you, just anyone who needs to hear this.

I imagine it was probably larger before it was… Dried out.

Also, 8 inches by 2 inches is pretty fucking large. I say this as someone who has had 8 inches back there.

You can probably search for security jobs on job boards, or ask anyone wearing a shitty guard uniform if they’re hiring. If it’s the same there, they’re always hiring.

This was going to be my suggestion. But even day time is good for this. I did security for 12 years. The vast majority of jobs are sitting on your ass watching movies on your phone. Couple tips if you go the security route:

Security is different in each US state (if you’re in another country this whole thing is gonna be meaningless). In some states it requires a 40 hour course, in others a 10 minute training class. it varies widely, find out what your states guidelines are.

If you get certed for security, you’ll never want for a shitty, low paying job. If you get fired, there’s another job around the corner. But, contracts change a lot, so don’t get too attached to any one post.

Gate guard is primo. You normally get a shack, you’re normally alone, and you normally deal with people only during shift changes. That means 6 hours of an 8 hour shift are totally yours.

Hospital security SUCKS.

If you need extra cash, concerts and other events pay well, and you get to listen to live music for free.

If you live anywhere with Weather™ put a change of clothes, food, sleeping bag and other gear in your car. I once got stuck on a post, snowed in, for 4 days.

Keep shit in your car in general. A steam deck is awesome, a switch is good.

If you’re on a post with another person, like 2 guards in a tiny shack for 8 hours, make sure you’re upfront about if you’re an intro/extrovert. Most guards have been doing it for long enough that they truly don’t care if you don’t wanna speak at all in 8 hours, they just wanna know up front where their plans should be. Nothing more irritating than thinking you’re gonna have a friend for a day and end up bored because you didn’t bring your stuff with you (which is why you should keep it in your car), or thinking you’re going to have a day to catch up on school/video games/shows and you can’t get 5 minutes to yourself because the other guard won’t STFU

You are not a cop. Don’t act like a cop. You aren’t even Paul blart. You’re a person in a uniform made of old trash bags whose whole job is to get an insurance discount for the company you’re posted at

The guard shack almost never has cameras, and for some reason, people on tinder/Grindr are freaking wild about hooking up in a guard shack

ETA: only thing better than gate guard is posts where they want you to park your own car and sit in it for your shift. You just sit in your car all day/night. Which means your own sound system, and basically everything you wanna bring with you at your fingertips. It’s awesome.

Also, midsize semi local security companies are better. Securitas and similar companies are kinda shitty, and the really small ones are always, like, weirdly militant. If you happen to be in Tennessee or Virginia I can probably hook you up with a company that’ll get you a good post.

I’m down to be Internet crafting buddies! :D

Also, if you’re at all lefty and within a reasonably drive of a major city you can probably find a group of anarchists or communists who still do quilting bees and crafting bees. A lot of what I know I learned from people who absolutely do not look like they’d be sewing and knitting. Haha. Spike mohawks and full punk vibes, plus knitting needles and gossip. It’s awesome.

An amethyst crystal I found in my (gravel) driveway a full 4 years after moving in. It’s a good 8 inches/20cm long, and shaped like a tear drop. It’s amazing and I love it.

You and I would get along I feel.

Beautiful doxies. I have 3, they’re such amazing creatures.

OMG, yes!

When I was like 11 or so, we had a company called EarthLink for Internet, and when we tried to cancel one month because we were broke, they gave us 3 months free. After the third time of that happening we realized we didn’t have to pay for Internet anymore, and spent the money on a second phone line instead.

It. Was. Glorious.

A wire coat hanger shoved into the back of the TV to get it working

Going next door to borrow the phone because you’ve been downloading something all day and didn’t want to lose it

Being hyper aware of the current status of the street lights in summer evenings