If you’ll forgive the cliche “Adulthood is realizing that Cheese is expensive and SO many people are on cocaine”.

Hey man. Late to the party but I feel for you.

Listen, good friends, the lifelong ride or die types- are rarer than fucking diamonds. There are maybe two, maybe three people you meet like that in your whole life. If folks you thought were like that actually aren’t, that sucks but it’s not an indictment of you or your character. Its just the odds. Lots of people suck and go where the good times are, not where they are needed. And it doesn’t mean you can’t meet those diamond people later in life.

Suicide is often seen as an escape because people feel trapped in the “now”. They can’t see the future ahead of them. Well, let me tell you as someone was cheated on, got divorced, had a nervous breakdown, (9 months of meds, doctors and living with my parents) and built his life back brick by brick - new people, new town, new job- you have a future. I’m closer to 40 than 30 these days, and I’m telling you the pain fades. You have a future waiting, if you can get there.

My practical advice is limited. You’re going to feel how you feel for as long as you need to. For me, it was more the shame than the heartbreak. I felt like everyone could see my “failure” stamped on my forehead. That was bullshit, but no amount of people telling me so reduced that feeling. But it is just a feeling. Being cheated on is not a character flaw. Being abused doesn’t mean you deserved it. You’ve got to win the internal fight first - realize that feelings aren’t always reflective of reality and pull out of the tail spin. How you feel is a distortion, and it can be modulated. You’ll get there.

I’m an old man, but I’m 90% sure I’m saying this right: Fucking Based.

“What gender are you?”

“Lovecraftian nightmare tentacles”

“But what pronouns do you use?”

“It/Insanity Screeching”

“Hmm, I’m starting to think we mortals might be using restrictive definitions of shit”

I love that story about the first New Testament baptismal. It’s so weird to think that that person was (after a fashion) Nonbin. It conjures this weird scene to me where Jesus is in some kind of board room and the Apostles are bringing him polling data.

“Jesus, I know we have a mission statement. I know, I know. “Love thy neighbour” “Love everyone” “We’re all Gods children”. No, totally love that, very cutting edge. No, we’re so onboard. I just think we really need to consider not loving some specific groups. Like, Nonbins, or Trans people, or the Gays. First century Judea is just not very progressive and some of these demographics are…”

Jesus flips whole fucking boardroom table

"What THE FUCK, Paul!? Are we going to have this fight every Dad-damned week? Listen to me. Listen. It’s core to the brand. Do you understand me? The whole brand! We don’t love SOME people. We don’t love JUST the Hebrews, or JUST the Romans. EVERYBODY. If it’s not EVERYBODY, then what the fuck are we doing here? Seriously.

It’s the whole goddamn brand. I promised a “New Way”. You want to take my vision - my divine purpose- and make it just like every other religion on the block. Totally dilute our entire brand image. Why would anyone choose the son of a carpenter, if I was going to be picky? Ok? That’s the core question here. We are doing this for EVERYBODY.

No. No, of course I forgive you. I always forgive you. Just… get the fuck out and lay off the Queers."

You hear about Pluto? That’s messed up.