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Joined 11 months ago
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Cake day: August 2nd, 2023

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  • I used to play this game called RAGE many years ago. It was a first person shooter, with a bunch of late game overpowered guns, had a crafting system to make ammo and the like, shops to sell and buy said ammo, but had strict resource controls to keep it competitive and fun.

    So I spent around four days tabulating values of every ammo and crafting material in the game, mapping out which in-game traders sold what and when, and then spent maybe the next three days just craft-selling the cheapest item, a wingstick(basically a boomerang) in the game.

    Hundreds and hundreds of wingsticks, grinding like a little kid in a sweatshop. I made enough money to max. out capacity on every ammo capacity in the game. As a result I breezed through the endgame, and what was supposed to be a long, tough, engaging mission into the heart of the enemy turned into a caricature of a boss fight, and I probably spend more time admiring the environment design there than worrying about dying or running out of ammo. I think I ran out only on one ammo type, and in total I used only the three most powerful ammo types in the game.

    A level I should have enjoyed and formed the neat little bow for that game to be wrapped in, turned into a comical doom guy-esque slaughter of the scariest enemy in-game.

    I am truly my own worst enemy.



  • I get times when I fixate on the fact that eventually my parents will die and leave me alone here. I don’t have the best relationship with them, but I usually feel really sad seeing them getting older day by day. I’ve found it helpful to ground myself when I’m with people I love - I just sit there and watch them. I look at their face and their hair and what they’re doing, and listen to the intonations of their voice, and to how they move their hands when they’re working and so on. It helps me fix that point in time as being real - like I EXIST along with them at this point in time, even though eventually we might not exist together, and just being here together with them now seems to bring me some relief.

    I don’t know why I typed this whole thing out. Maybe it will bring you some relief too.