I know it can be fixed. It takes time for cultures to shift, but there is a solution.
Voice your frustrations, always voice your frustrations. Lead by example and be vulnerable in front of other men. Never silence your voice, I hear you here. Loud and clear.
…the plot thickens lol
“nobody cares about a man’s suffering” This is simply untrue and I can’t take your story seriously after reading this line, it does sound like youve begun to work on some stuff for yourself, but might be some more to go still. I still got shit,
I’ve watched nearly every man in my bloodline go down the shitty, self hating, misogynistic, alcoholic poor me sad life cycle my entire life. It saddens me most that a lot of these guys had/have great parts about them but choose not to work out their demons, go to a therapist or take accountability for their own actions.
It saddens me the most to watch a man go through life feeling alone, ashamed, and unable to talk about how he is feeling. To watch them chose “masculine” coping, ie: drinking beer and whiskey, while making wife bad jokes and watching action movies to drown out the brain noise. I breifly dated a man who told me he didnt like looking in the mirror because he hated himself so much it made him want to punch the mirror, so he just avoided the mirror. He never went to therapy but came home with a six pack of beer everyday from work religiously. It’s fucking sad, and I hope that guy is doing better today.
And to mention, easily a third of the men I have dated/known/or were family, as young boys, were raped. They just stuff it and live with it. No one talks about how often boys are raped by other men, men they are supposed to trust, and they just go on with life internalizing that shit. Its fucked. Dare I say we need a men’s me too? Even one guy I dated at one point told me his adopted father had raped him when he was 12, but it only happened once so he forgave it. They acted like a happy family outside of this. My jaw fucking dropped. Then you see the maladaptive habit, he was the type who didn’t wash his ass because it could make you gay. Everytime I hear someone making a joke about a man who doesn’t wash his ass, I no longer think it’s funny. I think he might have been raped as a child. Imo we need larger discourse about it, because the pattern can repeat. Internalized shame is poisen.
It all feels out of my control so I just try and do what I can for the people close to me. All in all, It’s okay to make mistakes, its okay to be wrong, a lot of people, all people, many of them struggle admitting they were wrong. It’s also not your fault if you were put in a vulnerable situation. It’s not a sign of weakness. A lot of time thats the only ticket to a demon free brain is just accepted its okay to make mistakes and be wrong, and its not your fault if a bad thing happened to you as an actual victim.
No one cares about men’s mental health, that’s ridiculous. I was 13 years old giving my 40 year old alcoholic father pep talks on how to manage his emotions for christsake. Lmao I really thought I could help him then. I could not-
I have always cared, and many other women do too. But no one knows whats going on unless you use your voice. I’ve watched so many men suffer over the years. It pains me as much as anyone elses suffering, if not more because yall don’t build networks for yourself and often it doesn’t feel safe for you to express yourselves, and thats tragic.
I see this rhetoric all the time online and I will fiercely express, I am a woman, and I care. There are others who care too, stop spreading nonsense.
That’s messed up. I can’t stand people who lie, I’m mad for you
Every time I read about male loneliness, see it in my life in other men, I can only relate, as a woman.
I left a DV situation myself, and found no support anywhere. I ended up starting over in a town bout two hours away from where I knew, and it was literally just me and a baby for four years. Some weeks the only conversations I had with another adult were at work, ir standing at a cash register buying something. I had made one friend, but then she had to go and die. I just had no one to rely on or vent to.
One of the hardest times of my life. In '16 I remember messaging my brother, who at this point I honestly think just lost respect for me for being in a DV relationship, so he didn’t talk to me much, we had once been close. I remember asking him to come over one weekend, I had a grill and some food and beers, offered him money for gas as he lived an hour away. He told me weekends were girlfriend time (7 year relationship). So I explained I was really low, and no one I knew in my life had known me more than a year, I just would really like to laugh with somone who actually knows me, like my brother, and be like we used to and have a fun night.
He told me bluntly, he does not feel pity for people and he couldn’t make it. So cold. I cried like you would when a close family member dies.
I’m watched my husband win the battle with his alcohol addiction. He had a low tolerance socializing before, it’s only gotten worse with sobriety. He’s picking up a hobby now, and after four years sober, maybe not making friends, but sharing a hobby with other dudes. I encourage him as much as I can to continue this.
I’ve met many men who keep social, but I’ve also seen many recluse themselves as they age, and it’s nothing new.
I’m a woman, and I have felt gut wrenching loneliness for so many years of my life. My 30th birthday I tried to work overtime, but ended up leaving, going home to an empty house. When you can only spend $15 on frivious things, I chose vodka, cried myself dry on the bathroom floor, alone, for my birthday. No one messaged me. The guy I was dating didnt even know it was my birthday. I’ve had so many friends pass away too young, and yeah, I protect myself from hurt by not putting myself out there. Im greatful for my husband and son. Loneliness may appear in different ways in different genders, And the media may take that to the extremes. But loneliness is a human thing, it is not gendered
Im sorry OP isnt getting support, I for sure know that sucks. But at least you know whats real and whats not now. Fresh starts are liberating. This is your liberation, and a chance to remake your life in the way you want. I wish OP health and happiness
This is the evil shit
I too have my best existential crisis while in the shower
I like my junk pile of analog human experience
I slept nearly 12 hours last night, woke up, had a panic attack, then took a nap for four hours.
Woke up, put on The Elephant Graveyard Radio Hour, danced and cleaned my house happy.
It’s also been a long time since a nap like that worked so well. Sometimes ya just need to sleep.
I laughed too, until I raised a toddler with ADHD. He wasn’t diagnosed yet, but lord was it obvious he had the markers. Never leashed him, but definitely ran after him a lot, and had to keep a hyperfocused eye on him at all times.
I don’t laugh as hard now, I still giggle, but just not as hard
Big facts yes, I hope you got something out of it too
I’ve turned off my spell check from my phone to practice. I hope to keep my mind sharp.
(Edit: greatful, grateful, is the bane of my existence since I was young, thanks for reminding me. Im not grate-ful like a flood grate in the road, I’m great-ful. The root word great- means good, happy. The root word grate- makes me think if a metal contraption in the road. This is why my brain does that. I disagree with the root word formation lmao)
I have ADHD, and probably a bit of dyslexia (yes, I still have talk to text on, and used it to spell that word), I’ve learned as I’ve helped my son with his learning disabilities.
I was able to mask and struggle through school undetected, my son not so much.
I got tired of computer programming telling me what word I should type next, autocorrecting words I didnt want it to, and a few months ago turned all that off.
This is a casual place, so I wrote casually and didn’t edit my paragraphs much for such. Sorry if anything was unclear to you. I’m also sorry you felt the need to punch down on another fellow human.
Read an old book from 1850-1900. The grammar in those books will give you a panic attack. Be easy
I ask because my son, near 12 years of age, has ADHD and ODD. Videogames have historically been a massive issue with him, and today doesn’t play them. He does however love board games. However being he is a only child, he will play Chess/Clue/Yahtzee against himself often. I play when I can but I’m not always able to. He doesn’t like drawing, painting or writing, so I lean into board games.
I’ve found a few solo board games, but nothing good
Was hoping to hear what else might be out there that people find enjoyable, as his birthday is soon.
I’ll look up what Slay the Spire is
I dont see how the industrial complex is the most important thing to our society, here in the states.
I do see a cultural tendency to associate wealth with success. A notion that confuses me and I dont subscribe to, however is very prevalent here.
In the early 2000 the focus was college prep. College was marketed as the average persons line to success (wealth).
Today I think a lot of teachers are just trying to get through the day. The United States education, in my area, seemed to have peaked when I was in school. When the Bush administration passed the “no child left behind” act… I’ve since watched education go in the shitter. It should have been called “pass every student no matter what”. Also around 2010 they switched from teaching 5/6 year olds phonics and instead tried “sight words” for a time. A massive failure. I believe they have gone back to phonics now, I hope.
In the states, schools sign contracts with tech companies to supply chrombooks to each student, but like I mentioned, dont teach music composition anymore. Students of today, it’s been noted to me by professionals I work with, absolutely have less tolerance for difficult things than the students 20 years ago. But in my discussions, it’s not evident why. Even children with low/no/modersted screen time stuggle with task tolerance. So I don’t know.
I do know my state (2nd or 3rd state in the country for quality of k-12 education) now has public community college education available for free, or nearly nothing. Ive seen the flyers and buildings, I don’t know much about it, but I’m proud my state is offering alternatives to the large expensive universities. They are trying very hard to invest in the the everyday person here.
Just lay off “school is just a place you are trained to be a worker” alluding it is not important or meaningful outside of training machine cogs. It’s a juvenile thought made with little consideration to other invaluable educational experiences within childhood education. The purpose of school is to have an intelligent, healthy society capable of critical thought so that we may uphold democracy and society as a whole. Have we swayed from this in the last 10,15, 20 years? A good question. But I’ve heard the school/worker machines comment for longer than that.
I’d really like to know your experience, if any, with working in manufacturing or any other labor work.
While you’re right with poor education being a factor, there are many other factors also.
I’ve pulled 12 hour days in 110°F factories, where y’all pray for the sun to go down, and management to go home, so you can finally open the back door and catch a breeze.
Even with all the education in the world, you dont want to go home and cook… a meal… after a day like that, never mind weeks or years.
I’d really just like to know what was your hardest labor job. Sometimes we think we know about something, even with education, but in practical life, it’s not what you expected.
I love Jesse Wells, thank you for linking this song, it has an important message.
Here Here Absolutely. Also see: expensive healthcare “insurance”. Being overworked can have a person too exhausted to work out, or do much of anything outside of thier labor hours. When healthcare is too expensive and you can’t get a day off to go anyway, when your whole body hurts from repetitive exhaustion, add in poor sleeping, and yeah, poor habits form.
Night shift folks have it the worst too. Most still have families, and sleep very little so they can spend time with them.
So many factors are at play. To ignore them, is to concede to smug ignorance. I know these people in these factories. I know these men. I’ve worked for years along side so many.
I can see how its broken them, especially the men. I had to beg my position in a male dominant position, because ten years prior a woman got degloved, and for a time, they didn’t let women into that department, because it’s fucking hard. I got in and did the job very well, but damn yeah, the work was hard. Even just ten years of that shit will change your entire body and habits to cope. Something as simple as getting fast food for lunch, because you’re too tired to prepare anything outside of work, repeat that habit daily for 20 years, it adds up.
RIP to this man. He is one of but many, yet his impact is not lesser on my heart. Stay safe out there folks
The article also mentions how much they have increased each employee’s workload, on purpose, to basically punish them.
My personal health chart says I have carpal tunnel. Factory work is why I have carpal tunnel.
There is a direct correlation between working environments and employee health. There are hundreds and hundreds of environmental factors, whether working with heat, carsonogenic materials, heavy lifting, any kind of mining, risks are everywhere in the workforce.
If a company overworks employees, and maintains unsafe working environments, employee lives and health are increasingly placed at risk within sich environment.
The article is clear the company is overworking it’s employees on purpose.
An engineer asked me to run two machines over covid. We normally had three people to run two machines. I was running one, and the only operator on that day. Two machines is not safe to run with one person, nor is it possible without risking material quality on the line I was focused on. I can make good material on this line, or scrap on two lines. Fuck in my work, I could easily get degloved, 3rd degree burns, lose a finger tip, tear my rotator cuff, break a bone …all events that did happen over the years at these machines from people not paying attention to safety, something I’m not willing to risk so this engineer can “try something” on a machine he cant run himself. I told him to fuck himself in so many words. But that’s employee ownership, and my boss had my back.
Shame on the Union for not standing up for these people. Shame on you for taking the corporate side.
He may have died from heart attack from poor diet- but the environmental factors within a workplace, a place you spend most your waking hours, absolutely have a correlation to ones personal health. Your comment really seems to ignore that, and I’m sorry, definitely pissed me off.
“The canary in the coal mine” saying has a literal and tangible origin, it’s not just some saying.
I care about my fellow workers health and safety, whether I like them as people or not, I still want all fellow workers to be safe. I hope you do too.
People say this all the time like it’s some edgy gotcha.
And while Public education in the United States did really come to full fruition during the industrial revolution, and does do a lot to prepare a person for the workforce, noting not all school are the same…
…I am fully greatful my little rural New England School did a good job teaching me critical thinking. I really loved learning as I grew up and had many fantastic teachers.
To note, over the last 25 years, education funding, for whatever reason, is funded…but poorly. My son is in middle school, I’ve noticed he doesn’t have music class. They have a band and chorus as extracurriculars, but no music theory/history class like I did. I was the last class group to take home economics, and there is no computer class either. Every kid has a Chromebook, but no one is watching a Sweeny Todd on stage, or picking a composer to write a report on. No kid is sewing a teddy bear or making pizza cookies, and they don’t have general computer instruction. My son is in special education, so it’s hard to gauge one to one, but I definitely feel like his quality of education is less than when I was in middle school 25 years ago, especially when we look at “specials”, for what its worth. And this disappoints me.
But education as I see, is not “just to get you ready for the workforce” though that is part of it. A lot of teachers really care, and try to help kids find joy in learning, even still today. Well rounded schooling is important for children to become individuals with the power of critical thought beyond the scope of preparing them to work in a factory.
School where I went, and were my son goes, definitely fit “you get out what you put in”.
We learn from our mistakes don’t we? Hows it go, it’s only truly a mistake if we don’t learn from it.
It’s still your liberation day, and I still wish you the best in finding what you need in life. Love a good fresh start, be kind to yourself out there, stay genuine to your heart.