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Cake day: June 10th, 2023

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  • I take the opposite approach. If I notice someone is more chatty than I am, I make a point to tell them upfront “hey, I’m usually pretty quiet, but I still enjoy conversations even if they’re a little one-sided”. It’s a good test of character - if they still have a problem with me after I communicated clearly, then we’re not compatible, and I don’t need to worry about them. But I have certainly had friends that would talk my ear off and I’d happily nod and offer small insights or facts, and it worked out. It’s more about finding the right people - instead of trying to become the right person.


  • MantidSys@kbin.socialtolinuxmemes@lemmy.worldditch discord!
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    5 months ago

    Normally I’d say that reddit/lemmy are poor choices for a community - but if the competitor is a live-chat like discord? Yeah. Lemmy is better.

    Project leads would just need to make sure to direct users straight to a specific instance that allows instant/unmoderated sign-ups, or else that element of friction will occur – and certainly not start the whole “there’s many instances, pick the one that’s right for you!” spiel, or users will give up immediately. I thought similarly about matrix - on-boarding users to a matrix community would be helped by explicitly writing a guide for them to do so, but then we’re back to step 1, where making a discord channel is quicker than writing instructions.


  • MantidSys@kbin.socialtoAutism@lemmy.worldWrong personality
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    5 months ago

    Because, for some reason, people think it’s better to smooth over social situations by acting inauthentically than handle any amount of friction or disagreement. But that’s how people end up with entire friend groups they don’t relate to, and feel unhappy.

    Personally, I think most people lack the emotional maturity to act authentic to themselves and say ‘fuck the haters’. People who do that tend to end up a lot more satisfied with life than chronic people-pleasers. I would know - I’ve tried both ways, and the people-pleasing only leads to anxiety and shame, like the OP’s meme describes.


  • MantidSys@kbin.socialtolinuxmemes@lemmy.worldditch discord!
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    5 months ago

    Everyone in this comment section is yelling about how bad discord is, telling people to use forums or matrix instead. No one is asking “why?”. Why aren’t people using forums or matrix? Because the path to user growth isn’t guilting people into the ‘morally correct’ choice, it’s making a product they want to use.

    Why are small communities using discord over forums? Well, we’re talking about small projects, hobbies, and volunteer work. Hosting a forum costs both time and money - renting server space and configuring/managing both the forum and the server. Making a discord channel is instant and free. You want your favorite project to have a forum? Then take up the mantle of hosting and maintaining it yourself. You want all projects to use a forum? Develop a forum system that you absorb the hosting costs for. Neither of these exist, so communities use discord.

    Why are small communities using discord over matrix? I’m in my 30s, I spend all day on my PC, I’ve taken a couple years of college courses in programming. Figuring out matrix was annoying for me. I had to figure out which client program to use, I had to navigate the less-than-ideal way of joining servers, and there was a difficulty curve for understanding the program’s features and how to use it. It wasn’t impossible, but it took effort. Discord doesn’t. For every step of friction, a product will bleed users. Matrix is cumbersome to set up and use, and it’s copying something that already exists and does it better for the end-user experience. It shouldn’t be surprising that people prefer discord. Want that to change? Start contributing code to matrix and refine the user on-boarding process.

    Instead of stating opinions, ask questions. That’s how things get changed. No amount of moral grandstanding will change end-users, no matter how correct you might be.