The original quote is “I do not control the speed at which lobsters die”. I’m loathe to link to Reddit, but you can find more similar memes here (and in that entire subreddit).

See also: https://knowyourmeme.com/memes/i-do-not-control-the-speed-at-which-lobsters-die

Pretty close, but you skipped some nouns and you have too many "not"s in your sentence. The correct translation is “no, that is the time for learning German. Then you can shitpost in two languages”. Zeit is the word for time, and Sprachen means languages.

I’ve only got my A2 in German so I might also make mistakes with this, but yeah, that seems like proper German to me.

In German, the verb in a sentence fragment always goes in position 2. However, if a fragment contains two verbs (usually when you use the past perfect or when you use a modal verb, in my limited experience) then the second verb goes at the very end. So, technically, OP should have swapped “kannst” and “du”, because kannst is a modal verb and thus needs to go in position 2, but the rest is good.

I also feel like “Zeit für Deutsch lernen” might sound better if it was combined into a massive noun like Deutschlernzeit, but I might be stretching too far with that. The original version is perfectly understandable.

For the friend who enjoys BG3, you can play Pathfinder: Wrath of the Righteous pretty much entirely with the mouse. The base game is 90% off on steam right now too.

Pathfinder has a massive learning curve compared to DnD 5e though, but that just means you can get an extra 50 hours of entertainment out of the game before you start the story, just by figuring out all the options when creating your character lol

Edit: whoops, seems like the steam spring sale just ended. The game is still absolutely worth it at full price though

I’ve always used this version, since the verb is commonly used in modern English unlike buffalo:

Police police police Police police police Police police.

That expands to “the police from Police, Poland will police the police from Police, Poland, who in turn also police the police from Police, Poland” or something like that.