From my experience:

Gently let your husband know that if his mom says something negative that he should not pass it along to you. What his mom said did not hurt you until he told you. That’s how I taught my kid not to spread gossip.

As for your mother in law, if she comments that something is messy, hand her a broom. That’s how I got my certified-clean-freak mom to stop making comments. “Vacuum’s in the closet” was another one, but she was my mom, not my MIL, so it wasn’t as hard for me. Sooo…have your husband do it. :)

My mom. Super skinny her whole life. People thought she took care of herself, but I knew that she forgot to eat for days.

I used to think that would be nice. I have the other end of it where I am constantly nibbling for dopamine hits.

I never manage to do it more than about 3 weeks before my brain just completely shuts off that pathway and it’s like I forget that process exists altogether.

This is me. How can you just “forget” something you’ve developed into a routine and done daily for a month? I do though. Shit.

I am not every ADHD person, but this could have been written by me. I had NO IDEA that you could have something be so ingrained that you don’t think about it. Even if I develop a “routine” of doing something, it is NEVER automatic. I have to put mental effort, even if small, into every task or it won’t get done.

After reading this my definition of habit would be better termed routine. I develop a routine and I try to stick to it. Also I could have a great routine and it lasts for a month or so and then it’s just, I don’t know what else to call it but ‘gone’. It’s gone. That routine is gone.