I can’t speak for the whole country but where I work people really do just piss on the floor.

There are 24 (out of 50 total) us states with no big four teams.

https://www.worldatlas.com/articles/states-without-professional-sports-teams.html

Tofu scramble is another good alternative, albeit also not exactly the same. This recipe looks like a decent starting point:

https://www.noracooks.com/tofu-scramble/#wprm-recipe-container-4234

I also really like adding vegetables to my scramble, that’ll make it even less like eggs though.