I HAVE A DUTY FOR YOU. AN UNDERTAKING OF VITAL IMPORTANCE. WITH ONE OF MY MOST TREASURED ARTIFACTS IN YOUR CARE. YOU WILL PLEASE ME WITH THE OUTCOME, OR I WILL FEAST UPON YOUR SOUL LIKE CROWS UPON A CARCASS.

“A-anything for you, o mighty Forest Lord!”

[drops a smartphone into the terrified cultist’s hands] CHARGE THIS. AND WIPE THE SCREEN DOWN WHILE YOU’RE AT IT.