I’m gay. I’m agender, and I like enbies better than men and women.

The other day in an argument I got frustrated with someone and told them to call me a homophobic slur. One part sarcasm, one part hoping they’d actually do it and get in trouble. Instead, I got punished for using the word. I wasn’t expecting that, because I’m gay. If I call myself a f-----, I didn’t think that was anyone else’s problem.

Was I right? Is it okay for me to use that word, talking about myself?

      • sprite0@sh.itjust.works
        2·
        19 hours ago

        generally reclamation is framed as positive usage only. I just learned about this recently myself with the word bitch. Calling my girl friends bitches in a nice way, when i’m not angry and mean it to be endearing is reclamation.

        Calling another woman (like jk rowling) a bitch when i don’t like her or her actions is misogynistic even though i’m a woman, because it’s being used to tear down/degrade.

        I think the same logic applies to this, a gay man calling his friends the f slur endearingly is fine, but using it hatefully is no different than a straight person doing it.

    • Genius@lemmy.zipOP
      42·
      2 days ago

      I was arguing with a tankie who was defending the use of an ableist slur. I told them fine, whatever, call me a f-----. I was making a point about how they would call mentally ill people slurs, but wouldn’t do the same to me. Implying I thought they were a bigot, and they’d attack me too if there were as few consequences. They weren’t a good person, they were just being civil according to social norms. I don’t care about civility, I care about meaning what you say. Practicing what you preach. F----- is how I feel tankies see me, on a certain level. Stalin said being gay is bourgeois decadence. He put us in gulags. I don’t feel safe around Stalin worshippers, and when they attack other minorities, I feel aware of that. I see how their respect is an act.

      I’d rather be called a f----- than have them insist they’re my allies. And it took a lot of self control just now to delete those five letters and turn them into dashes. I want to talk openly about how I feel seen by those people. This pretense, not using the words that match how I feel I’m seen, it feels like the same thing. Having to practice civility around people who would lynch me if Dear Leader told them to. I’d prefer slurs.