Most of the time when people say they have an unpopular opinion, it turns out it’s actually pretty popular.
Do you have some that’s really unpopular and most likely will get you downvoted?
Most of the time when people say they have an unpopular opinion, it turns out it’s actually pretty popular.
Do you have some that’s really unpopular and most likely will get you downvoted?
My unpopular opinion is that too many people give way, waaaaaayyy too much attention to “correct use of gender pronouns” and they should all just stfu.
I understand why that is a big deal for trans people, because they make their gender the defining aspect of their character. Something I consider a mistake, nobody’s main defining characteristic should be their gender.
You’ve poked some people in their feels here but are 100% correct. Well said.
I’m sure some people have made the mistake you are describing, but I doubt it’s only trans people who have made this mistake.
As a trans person, I would like to make my gender an aspect of my character, like most people get to do. I am more than just my gender, but my gender is a part of who I am.
It does feel good to be validated about my gender, but I’m not worried about people getting my pronouns wrong. I know it can be confusing and people don’t mean anything by it if they make a mistake. It’s hard to describe the intensity of the joy I felt once, when I was validated about my gender by another person. So, I will say it doesn’t surprise me if some people decide to express their gender a lot once they are finally able to.
We can add the people who have their sexuality as their only character trait and need everyone to know.
I don’t need to know that you are lgbtqi+. If you want to tell me that you have a partner and they happen to be the same gender or such then good on you for finding someone to love. Fucking amazing how the world works and you went against the odds and all that.
However.
I don’t need you to remind me that you are pan every 15 minutes.
I guess you’re right that that’s unpopular.
But let me put this metaphor out there–if someone shows up in the ER and their leg is badly broken and there’s blood everywhere and the bone is sticking out, it is logical to triage that and take care of it first. But if lesser injuries are being taken care of instead, it’s logical and appropriate to raise a fuss. The person fussing about their broken leg isn’t really making it their entire personality no matter how strident and loud they are–they are simply in urgent pain and need the problem attended to.
Given plenty of trans folks end up suicidal, which is the mental health equivalent of a major physical injury, it’s logical and appropriate to try to shed light on what’s happening so it can be corrected. That can seem like the community is being “loud” or that an individual is “making gender their core characteristic”. But it’s more that that is the thing that is currently hurting, so it moves people to try to stop the hurt. Once things have evened out, there’s less need to be loud about it, and it will naturally fall into place as a background aspect, like any other facet of a person.
This is generally the case when ANY minority is “making a fuss”–it’s happening because there’s pain that needs to be attended to. A wound that needs healing.
I’ve seen more than one “well meaning” person online get upset about how this or that minority is being loud with a tone they don’t like.
The thing is–if a person is in pain, they’re not necessarily in a mental spot to perfectly frame their arguments just for you, in exactly the tone you need to be able to hear them. Someone in pain can be pretty harsh and mean-sounding, and it’s important to recognize the times when YOU are unburdened by that pain and thus have an easier time of being “logical” than the other person who is currently crying out in pain and sounds “harsh”.
Basically: have mercy on other people, and understand some harsh things they say because they are in pain, and that you, too, would probably have your discipline fail at some point if you went through something just as harsh.
The vast majority of cishet people (if not all) make their gender the defining aspect of their character - so why should trans people be any different?
I already said it
But it already is, isn’t it?
So if this…
…is what you really want you need to start with cis people and not transgender ones, correct?
Is it what?
Dunno about you, but nobody I deal with in RL ever implied something among the lines of "refer to me as ". There was only one case of an ex-boss of mine who always liked to “joke”: “you can mistake my name, but never mistake my gender!”, but he was the exception
Most likely because they’d never experienced someone referring to them by the wrong gender. You can be pretty sure that if someone started doing so, they’d have something to say about it.
Which is what the other commenter was trying to communicate to you. Gender is already a key component of most cis people’s personality - the way they think about themselves, the framework they use to make choices, and the way they want people to relate to them - but it’s not noticed as such, because it’s “normal”, so no-one comments on it and they don’t have to act to assert it.