Don’t forget the inevitable “3 months ago we were made aware of a breach of the BONTO! servers. What information was taken? Bet you’d like to know wouldn’t you. What have we done about this situation? Fuck you, that’s what.”
BUT . . .But. To make it up to you we’ve also sold your info to a “Privacy Lock” company who will sell you something imaginary for as long as you pay them. That’ll totally fix it.
3 months later; privacy lock company is breached
Oh it was an Eastern European shell this whole time and they have my social security number for some reason
23 and Me customer here, and I couldn’t relate more. When I reached out to support to ask what data was stolen and how much they were planning on compensating me for having my genome leaked to the web, their answer was basically “We have no idea what you’re talking about. lol fuck you”
You can’t use this service unless you give us your social security number. Whoops! Your SSN was stolen three months ago and we just found out.
Don’t forget the 4500 emails suggesting you upgrade to slorp pro-premium-plus-max
Then when you finally upgrade to premium plus max lifetime, the acquisition happens and lifetime licenses get cancelled.
“You have 17 messages in your Slorp-box! Click here to log in”
“Loser McDouchebag from high school recently Slorped! Click here to read it!”
And, after the rebranding: “Someone looked at your BONTO! profile! Want to know who? Get BONTO! Premium and send them a BONTO!-Gram! Remember, this could be the beginning of something wonderful! Get it now for only $9,99 (first 6 months, conditions apply)!”
And if you already did, then you’re really missing out on the pro lifetime plan that includes a lifetime license!*
^(* lifetime license only valid until we release the next version in 2 months)
You make fun of this but I really had bonto pro-premium-plus-max and it comes with many benefits like not getting these mails anymore
I used to unironically enjoy skimming my spam folder for fun scams, but nowadays there are no fun scams, it’s all fake amazon gift cards, fake pharmacies, and fake iCloud and Cash App emails.
I miss the days where it felt like a sexy single was interested in me, purely by my email, or I had been singled out by royalty of some sort.
I’d argue that email is as useful as regular mail. I get about 2 letters a year written by a person. The rest is bills and marketing.
Email is basically a central notification hub for users, and I’d much prefer that than having to log into each specific app to be notified of things.
Love these anti-features
Linkedin also send you emails even if you repeatedly turn them off
You unsubscribed to “Marketing promotions from recruiters”, this is “Marketing promotions from unknown recruiters within 102 KM of an airport”.
Keep up man.
*Your 2FA login code for SLORP
*Your password reset link for SLORP
*Your password reset link for SLORP
*You have (2) new messages from other SLORP users
*There has been a login attempt from a new device on SLORP
*Your SLORP password may have been compromised
- SLORP is best enjoyed in the app!
- ALERT: You have a SLORP update!
- SLORP with the Plasticians! New slorpson next week!
- Must SLORP slorps this week!
TBH I think if your email is filled with garbage you need to do a better job of managing your email.
If they think email is bad now, then obviously a lot of people dont remember the 90s before spam filtering got decent.
At least then it was only Bill Gates personally sending me chain letters
Slorp has detected that you haven’t opened our emails for a long time. It’s very important to slorp that you keep your contact information updated. Please login Here to verify your slorp account details.
– the fact slorp gets upset that I have tracking pixels disabled so they can’t monitor my email usage is one big reason they can go slorp themselves
Hold up, tracking pixels? What the fuck is that and how do I disable it.
When you load an image from a remote server it leaves an item in their activity logs (when you download the image, the IP address, your email client’s user agent, and a few other details).
If you make the URLs for the images unique, you can now attach an email send to a specific person reading that email, and you can see where and when they read it.
It’s been a security risk for a long long long time and only recently have email clients started dealing with it. Some will download the images remotely or proxy them for you, but I recommend disabling remote images in emails altogether.
