This

With Belgian mayonaise!

And I’m Dutch so I’m not even biased.

Where are the cheese curds? Fucking profligates is deep fried cheese too good for ya?

They’re all tied for number 1, except sweet potato, which skips all the empty spots below and goes straight to number 8. Sweet potato fries suck.

No. I refuse to rank my children as well.

I’m gonna have to lock in Onion Rings as my final answer.

Never had curlies, tots (not even sure what they are) or waffle fries.
After reading the comments I think I’ve never had good onion rings or sweet potato fries. Those are a no from me. Onion rings were just deep fried batter and sweet potato was sweet and soggy. Both didn’t leave an impresion.

Now my potato of choice is wedges (especially if cooked in an oven). Then whatever is left. Not sure why everyone is hating on zigzags. The thickness is similar to straight fries so it should cook similarly and without seasoning everything will taste bland.

So, shoestring and wedges have such a huge range of quality, there are so many ambiguities here!

Not zigzags though. Zigzags can get fucked.

Edit: But really. Trash shoestrings are tue most trash. If you can get the oil hot enough, or do the double drop trick, you get one of the best stand alone fries, but they arent good for dipping in much more than ketchup, and you cant, like, put cheese on them or anything. You need more substantial fries for that. Wedges are similarly niche in the other direction, and the quality of their preparation varies widely.

Edit: replace zigzags with fried zucchini or mushrooms or mozzarella sticks. Then that slot is back in contention.

Anglosphere ah ah list

Gimme some of those tots

What the heck kind of list is this?

Where are the steak fries?

Zigzag

Uh, it’s crinkle cut and someone will die on my hill.

Wedges, winners

Onion rings second depending on their quality

Then sweet potato fries

[paja] (a Spanish variety that’s amazing)

Shoe stings

curly

Zigzag

tots

Waffles

My only strong opinion on the whole chart is that crinkle cut fries are the worst thing shown and thus take last place no matter what

The top three are Shoestring, Curly, and Wedges, though not necessarily in that order. I still have not managed to figure out how the fuck restaurants make their shoestring (and steak) fries so fucking good.

Next are waffle fries and onion rings. They’re okay.

Sweet Potato fries and tots after that. Just not my thing.

Whoever likes zigzag/crinkle-cut fries is a monster. May god have mercy on their twisted souls.

The secret winner though is zucchini fries, which are mana from the heavens.

3. Tater tot: A good tater tot is like butter. Pure salt and crunch then melt in your mouth deliciousness.

4. Onion Rings: Good onion rings is technically better than tater tots, but the spectrum of bad to good onion rings is very wide.

5. Curly Fries: Curly Fries are hard to fuck up. I don’t even think I’ve had a variation of curly fries. They’re all the same to me, but they’re so good.

6. Wedges: Wedges have a smaller spectrum than onion rings, but the ceiling is lower and they’re hard to rank better than the ones ahead of them.

7. Shoestring: McDonalds

8. ZigZag: These can range from heavenly to straight fucking trash. Unfortunately they’re too easy to turn into straight fucking trash. By that I mean you have to put more work into them to make them good as opposed to just salt and oven/fried. Might as well just try to fry some snow at that point.

9. Sweet Potato: I’ve had good sweet potato fries but I rarely get good sweet potato fries.

10. Waffle: I don’t get these. They’re ass. The only place that makes them kinda tolerable is Chik-Fila, but even then they’re still ass to me. Can’t even make them good at home without drowning them in salt and ketchup. I can slice up a potato and chuck them in the oven and get better results most of the time.

Edit for formatting. Apparently piefed, doesn’t honor your numbering and turns it into 1, 2, 3, etc even if you go 8, 12, 3.