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Cake day: July 5th, 2023

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  • When I was younger I spent an afternoon hanging out with my grandfather. We sat on the porch of my fathers house smoking cigarettes. My mom came outside and asked me to clear the fallen leaves off the porch. Well, young me went to the garage and pulled out the awesome backpack leaf blower my Dad had. Proceeded to spend a few very noisy minutes trying to get some leaves out of a corner, when my grandfather laughed and said, “you know, sometimes the harder way is easier.” and handed me a broom. Took all of a 5 minutes to sweep everything off nicely, whereas I was getting nowhere blowing leaves every which way.

    I don’t even own a leaf blower now, don’t need one.


  • Out of 500 cats and owners, only 30 completed the entire trial, shrinking the sample size considerably. Within that sample size, the cats showed clear preference for the box-like illusions over the controls. Still, to further cat cognition research, the paper recommends future studies only require owners to perform the experiment for one day (rather than six) to increase likelihood of completion.

    Wow that’s some next-level laziness exhibited by cat owners during the pandemic… You’d think being stuck inside would increase likelihood of completing the 6-day citizen science course.


  • I still have my original Nintendo 64 Gold edition that I purchased when I was 13 or so. I’ve recently got it hooked back up, and discovered that playing Mario Kart while on my recumbent stationary bicycle makes the time fly past. I speed up my pedaling cadence whenever I’m on straightaways, stop pedaling when I have to hard brake, makes for a more vibrant workout. In fact, it’s worked out so well it has me thinking about how well a gym/arcade hybrid business would do…

    Also I finally figured out how to drift for a speed boost, so. come at me, bro






  • This is the third time I’ve come across an article like this, and they all line up with my theory of dying.

    First of all, Humans have the unconscious ability to alter their perception of time. From moments that last forever, to years that pass in a flash. I think when we really pay attention, and are really ‘tuned into’ what’s happening, we become more perceptive, and things just slow down. Like the first time you watch an epic movie, where the cinematic shots seem to take their time in delivering the ‘feeling’ of the scene. And upon a rewatch, now it seems like those slow set-up shots are slightly faster. What’s changed? well, you were on the edge of your seat when you watched it the first time. You slowed your perception of it without really being aware that you did it.

    Secondly, the afterlife is fake, but heaven is real. That sounds paradoxical, but let me explain. There is no evidence to suggest that there exists some deity or that they created a big ‘afterparty’ for every ones . But, we have had people technically die, and then come back reporting that they saw their grandparents, or old dog, or a bright inviting light. This is where my first posit comes into play. When you die, your brain gives you one last hurrah. As evidenced in this dying patient, and countless other studies showing a massive dopamine and serotonin rush. What I believe, is that during this time, your perception of time plummets, and you hallucinate, envision, dream (whatever you wanna call it), whatever you want. But not just what you want, what you expect. Remember, this is a personalized, once-in-a-lifetime hallucination. You’re dying, you know it, and whatever you’ve decided happens when you die, is what you experience. If you think you deserve heaven filled with all your old friends, pets, and donuts, well, that’s what you’re going to get. If you’re raised catholic and lead a terrible life, thinking you deserve hell, well, that’s what your experience will be.

    I imagine that this trip can last, ultimately, however long you want. You’re not stopping time, just your perception of it. At least, that’s my theory.



  • When I first played Final Fantasy 7, it was a shining moment in my friend group. They had played the game years previous and had loved it, and they were introducing me to it. This was the first turn-based strategy game I had ever played, and I was legit into it. I’d be playing when they got home from work or classes, and they’d just chill on the couch watching me play.

    This had been going on for like a week or so, and I was nearing this tumultuous. pivotal moment in the game. My friends, knowing this would soon happen, had been watching more intently, asking probing questions about who I liked more, Tifa or Arith, among other little jabs, hinting at their foreknowledge without spoiling it.

    And that’s when it happened, a newer friend to the group walked in, shot a glance at the screen, looked at everyone and said “Oh, FF7. Arith died yet?”

    The entire room went slackjawed, and I believe an assortment of random objects were thrown at him, but what was said had been heard, and when Arith died in-game just minutes later, I felt robbed.

    Haven’t really cared about getting engrossed into a single-player game since.


  • Frank Leslie’s exposé caused widespread public outrage and local politicians were strongly pressured to punish and regulate the distillery-dairies, which were formally complained to be “swill milk nuisance”.[9] The Tammany Hall politician Alderman Michael Tuomey, known as “Butcher Mike”, defended the distillers vigorously throughout the scandal—in fact, he was put in charge of the Board of Health investigation. Frank Leslie’s Illustrated Newspaper staked out distillery owner Bradish Johnson’s mansion at 21st and Broadway, and reported that in the midst of the investigation, Tuomey was observed making late night visits.

    Tuomey assumed a central role in the ensuing investigations, and, with fellow Aldermen E. Harrison Reed and William Tucker, shielded the dairies and turned the hearings into one-sided exercises designed to make dairy critics and established health authorities look ridiculous, even going to the extent of arguing that swill milk was actually as good or better for children than regular milk.[9] With Reed and others, Tuomey successfully blocked any serious inquiry into the dairies and stymied calls for reform. The Board of Health exonerated the distillers, but public outcry led to the passage of the first food safety laws in the form of milk regulations in 1862.[10]

    Tuomey became known for his attempts to block the new regulations, and earned the new moniker “Swill Milk” Tuomey.[11] In addition to Tuomey’s assistance in clearing up the unclean image milk developed, Robert Milham Hartley, a social reformist, aided in the restoration of milk being a nutritional and safe-to-drink beverage. During the mid to late nineteenth century, Hartley utilized Biblical references in his essays to appeal to the urban community. He asserted that universal milk consumption could help alleviate society’s “sins”, poverty, and alcohol consumption.

    Dang so they had soulless knuckle-dragging politicians then too