I’m asking as I’m trying to understand empathy and whether it’s normal to get so invested in fake characters, I mean it’s probably a testament to the writers but I overthink… a lot.
This question was bright on as I’ve been catching up on The Blacklist and at lunch today watching Season 8 Episode name “Anne “ and it wrecked me.
Tap for spoiler
Basically the main character Red has to live a guarded life and for once he let it form and got close to Anne and you could tell shit was going to go downhill and it destroyed me when you think about it from his or her perspective.
For reference I’m 41 year old dude, not that it matters.
Edit: Bedtime for me but back tomorrow to reply to all.
Edit 2: I’ve got 41 comments to respond to. Currently working but I’ll be back y’all.
I’ve only cried at Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind.
Used to be I never cried at anything. Ever. Then I started watching the saddest shows I could find specifically for the purpose of making me cry because I figured that wasn’t healthy. Now I’m a total crybaby and I gotta admit, I’m happier for it.
I used to be a massive weeb so most of my sad moments are from anime, but if you really want to bawl your eyes out, Violet Evergarden and A Silent Voice are my two go to picks for when I want to absolutely destroy myself.
Yeah buddy, it’s normal to feel your feelings.
I guess I grew up with people without feelings as when I raised with this my closest friends (5), none of them admitted to it. I know they could lie but I also don’t know how invested they get in to media.
They might be, they might not be. It’s entirely possible that they don’t interact with any media that contains emotions past shooting a gun. I’ve cried to music, movies, and books. Art (paintings, sculptures, etc) I’ve never had that reaction.
I think you’re on to something about them not really focusing on the same kind of media I gravitate towards, complex characters with a moral grey area.
Trying to think if I’ve cried over a book, the most emotional I can recall is the Steig Larsson millennium trilogy, but not sure if I cried was more psyched up for the story.
Art. Never, music lyrics yes but not musical pieces like classical which I listen to a lot. Going to try opera soon so maybe there. I can see people crying at art but I don’t think I understand art enough to even get to that level of emotional connection.
I wouldn’t say it’s normal but it definitifly should be.
I’m a dude in his 40s. If anything, I’ve gotten more empathetic and easily moved over the years. I have cried at movies and over books.
Same. For the longest time I was made to believe that crying in front of people was weak. Especially, when those tears came from entertainment. Then I watched Schindler’s List and bawled like a fucking baby at the end when…
Tap for spoiler
Schindler starts pointing out all the possessions he still had, which he could have bartered to save more Jews and the overwhelming support from the ones he did save comforting him.
It fundamentally changed who I was and what I was willing to show emotion for, especially empathy. I found that any movie based on actual events, that ended tragically, would illicit a similar response.
It was only after years of therapy and the support of wonderful people in my life that I learned to feel that deeply for any media with resonating characters. Elon said empathy is a human weakness, but he’s never been so wrong. It’s the only thing that binds us together.
I tear up at most movies. It’s not a sad movie, but Everything Everywhere All at Once holds the current record for most cries.
Generally if a movie doesn’t make me tear up at least once that’s a bad sign. At the same time I don’t gravitate towards tearjerkers, they can feel emotionally manipulative and heavy handed.
I almost never cry for TV shows or books.
i can cry on demand by recalling a certain moment in that movie
I mean this really speaks to the power of the human mind. We can put ourselves into someone else’s shoes and experience what they’re feeling. No other animal can do that that we can 100% prove. Enjoy that you have the ability to care for someone from finding out their story. It’s a good and proper skill to have.
Thanks, this is what I was hoping to touch on. The ability to put yourself in someone else’s shoes, even if that person is a terrible person I find it fascinating that we can still have some empathy for their predicament even if it’s kinda deserved.
Makes me wonder if it’s a scale sort of thing where some people are balling theirs out and another is untouched. Then how does this translate to real life? Like is that why my friends can’t understand why I would spend my time on Pro-Palestine matches for instance, is it a lack of empathy.
Apologies, for being deep on bloody Lemmy.
Yeah, empathy is a very underrated and powerful emotion for us humans. It’s also one of the few emotions that can be learned, practiced, and improved (for most people).
I usually feel like an exposed nerve when I’m watching something even a little emotional, so I cry pretty hard. Sometimes I even find myself properly sobbing. But almost without exception I feel better afterwards, like I’ve purged something nasty from my body. I love that post-cry feeling.
I’d say someone who doesn’t understand why you go to Pro-Palestine marches probably has an empathy deficiency (if they’re even remotely aware of what’s going on in Palestine). But that’s a great opportunity to invite them to improve their own sense of empathy by joining you, or having an open-minded and genuine conversation with a Palestinian about their personal experiences (or watching an interview if they don’t know anyone personally). I find hearing about someone’s experiences living with atrocities happening all around them, in their own voice, should quickly dig up nearly anyone’s latent empathy. But it takes work for those who it doesn’t come to naturally, and those are the people who are probably least likely to put in the work.
That’s a good point about feeling better after crying, I wonder what is happening physiologically. I assume endorphins, dopamine, or serotonin are releases.
To your point about friends and Palestine, I think you’re correct and I will recommend them to watch The Settlers documentary by Louis Theroux.
I think also there can be a sense of loss when you’re invested in some characters and they die off in a show or the series ends. It doesn’t seem weird at all to get a bit emotional unless we’re talking about something like Jersey Shore or other reality garbage, but even then that’s just my personal taste so I shouldn’t judge others who might get invested in stuff like that.
The older I get, the more I don’t give a fuck and just let go. Interstellar - when Cooper is watching messages from his son… Gets me every damn time.
TV shows and movies are art. Eliciting an emotional response is kind of art’s thing. Maybe not all art, but that’s neither here nor there.
Am 41 y/o dude not that it matters
It does matter because a 41 y/o dude is also allowed to have and express emotions.
I often tear up from scenes from movies and tv. Yet basically never do for anything in real life.
I was listening to an NPR story the other day about how a ton of people showed up to donate blood to save an infant, and only one was a match, but it was anonymous, now the kid is a healthy 20yr old and the mom can’t thank the person who saved them. It had my eyes all mushy on my commute home.
Yet, I had a cousin, and an uncle pass within the last few months and while I was sad, and I miss them, not a tear generated.
I’m the same way. My wife actually gives me shit for it because she doesn’t understand how I can’t have more feelings for those around me. I don’t think I’d shed a tear or even feel that emotional for anyone in my extended family dying. Just my wife and kids. Makes me question if there’s something wrong with me.
She can tell me some sad real life story and it doesn’t affect me. But movies, shows, books, and games can have me tear up or bawling.
Same here. When my grandfather, who I was very close with, passed away, I never cried. But I bawled like a baby at Toy Story 3.
I think it’s the soundtrack. If someone had told me about my grandfather while some emotional string music swelled, I probably would have cried.
Yea the bagpipes playing Amazing Grace gets me for some reason. If they played that at a funeral I might cry.
Probably due to how I grew up, I don’t often feel like it’s… right? Reasonable? for me to cry for personal things. But I can cry for others, for whatever reason. Showed my kids Pixar’s Up for the first time the other day, and we got to the scene near the end where Carl finds some of the messages his wife left him. My kids are still fairly young, and were trying to figure out what was going on in that scene. They also didn’t understand at first why my voice sounded so weird…
Yup, all the time. To give an example, yesterday I watched DC League of Super Pets with my child and cried quite a lot at one bit (if you’ve seen it, you probably know which bit). It’s a solid movie overall too - great voice cast.
It’s not unusual for me to cry when reading or listening to the news.
I’m 41 too, but a woman.
And books.
If the story and characters are well written and/or acted well enough to pull you in to the story you can certainly feel empathy and other feelings vicariously.
There is plenty of entertainment that does not pull the viewer/reader in, and you don’t particularly get “involved” with them.
I’d be curious what the line is for most people, what draws them in to a story emotionally to make that investment in a fictional character.
Growing up, I’d occasionally tear up over a sad movie.
Now that I’m older, I seek out movies that tend to be depressing and tragic. Watching them alone let’s me express a level of empathy or grief that is almost therapeutic. Most mainstream movies that are deemed sad may still only get me to slightly tear up like the past. But I’ve encountered enough indy or slightly lesser know films that fly under the radar and they make me ugly cry.
Being in a vulnerable mindset kind of helps because there are moments where I could probably fight it mentally and hold back my reaction. But if I allow myself to let go, then it’s full on sobbing.
Recent movies that had that effect on me are Drawing Closer, and How to Make Millions Before Grandma Dies.
It’s not always empathy, somethings its a personal element where I relate to someone on screen and I use them as a conduit to express the emotions I might normally suppress or stoicly ignore.
works of fiction never made me cry in my previous gender, but ever since i started estrogen it’s been neat going back and rewatching my faves and seeing how much harder they hit emotionally now
Makes one wonder what is hormones vs a shift of the mind to the other side.
I do. 25M. For movies, lyrics, stories… Can be most casual things for most people. But I detected some special meaning and I have tears in my eyes. I for some reason got more and more emotional since I was 18. Not sure why though. I hope anyone has some kind of ideas.
I find this strange since I do not consider myself very empatic. And I also consider word empathy cringe since it is often misused to demonize political opponents.
Yeah lyrics is another one I forgot to mention. It’s shocking how many people listen to songs but they don’t listen to the words.
I too am intrigued as to why it seems to have made you more emotional since 18 and hope we get some good responses here.
Interesting that you don’t consider yourself empathetic as I think I have too much at times and it’s a detriment to my own wellbeing.
Sounds like a right freak saying I have too much empathy but I didn’t know how to word it. I guess too much relative to the people I grew up with and my family, that sounds better.
I think I can enable or disable my empathy. I could say cold hearted to a person to stop crying and do the right thing. I could even hit a child as a punishment if that were any useful. and give them a better life because of that (it does not work, so I won’t). I am not sure if that even is the real definition of empathy.
But this feeling cannot be empathy since it is does not have to involve relating to another being. It could be some deep and meaningful idea or point or moral of a story. Those usually get me the most.
