I’m not speaking for autistic people here, but I am speaking as parent to two children (now adults) on the spectrum.
Autistic children do not ruin your life and do not have ruined lives themselves. As with all parenting, sometimes things are very, very difficult and sometimes things are very, very easy. This isn’t unique to raising a neurodiverse child, this is just parenting. The unique challenges that parenting a neurodiverse child brings are 99% of the time caused by how society thinks these children/adults are and assumptions about whats best for them without actually asking them rather than any sort of intrinsic issue caused by their autism or ADHD or any other neurological difference. For the remaining 1% of the time, you just do your best.
The narrative that neurological difference, in particular autism, ruins lives has, in its modern form, been with us since Andrew Wakefield first perpetuated his fraudulent claims of vaccine damage causing autism. It was spread by antivaxx/autism activist parent groups like Jenny McCarthy’s Generation Rescue and the truly despicable people at Autism Speaks. These are the people who’ve ruined lives.
I like you. I have 2 autistic kids (still kids) and one neurotypical kid. There is no difference in raising them. Every kid has their unique challenges. I never raise my children differently unless it requires it.
Are you certain your adult children don’t resent being born with autism?
Because I put on a hella front for my mom. Just throwing that out there.
I’m not naive (or arrogant) enough to think I know everything my kids are thinking and neither am I suggesting their lives are 100% perfect but all of them (on the spectrum or not) are all pretty forthright, confident adults. When they were teens they of course went through some shit related to their being autistic, but none of that was because they were autistic, it was down to how other people/situations made them feel because they were autistic. I’m as sure as any parent can ever be that I’ve never detected any kind of prolonged resentment or unhappiness at the fact of their autism.
We never taught them that ‘autism is a superpower’ because it isn’t. Sometimes it has advantages and sometimes there are disadvantages and describing someone elses life as superpowered puts an unrealistic expectation of happiness and accomplishment on them. By the same token, neither are their lives a ruin and my life as their parent most certainly wasn’t ruined.
it was down to how other people/situations made them feel because they were autistic.
That’s a meaningless distinction. The end result is identical.
It would be foolhardy to say that you–an assumed neurotypical person–need to be close, personal friends with everyone in your life. You select your friends–and they select you–based on how well you fit each other. The fundamental problem is that autistic people, broadly speaking, don’t fit with neurotypical people. A high-functioning autistic person will eventually realize that, and realize just how utterly alone they are in life. They will realize that the people they think of as friends will never think of them as a friend. Their social circle, if they’re lucky, might consist of a small handful of people with overlapping interests, but are not an actual social support network.
I discovered this in 2014 when I failed to complete a suicide, and lost 95% of the people I believed were friends.
I am functional on a surface level. I have a job, I’m mostly self-sufficient, I’m married to someone that is also likely neurodivergent after having been in an abusive relationship for over a decade. I’ve noticed that the less able we are to mask, the more our social circle contracts. We can not reasonably expect that people will life us, or include us in their social circles.
I disagree, its not in my opinion a meaningless distinction at all. A difficulty in cognition might prevent a person from reading War And Peace. Thats a direct result of having a learning disability. Someone with a visual disability who cannot access audio books or braille versions of War And Peace is not being affected by their disability but by the fact an accessible version is not available.
You might argue the end result is the same - an inability to read War And Peace - but the point is that for the person with a visual disability the situation is fixable if society is prepared to make the effort.
In regards to your situation you’ve had terrible experiences but they are not down to the fact youre autistic, they’re down to the fact your NT ‘friends’ weren’t really friends at all. I’m sorry they let you down but I’m pretty sure I could find similar stories where nobody in the story was autistic.
Autism is a disability. A person with an IQ of 50 simply isn’t going to be able to understand War and Peace; you can’t dumb the book down sufficiently for someone to understand if they’re going to struggle all their life to be able to put on shoes that lace instead of using Velcro. People with dyslexia can listen to audiobooks; there’s no audiobook version of deep, fulfilling friendships and social support networks, because people on the autistic spectrum are going to have a hard time offering neurotypical people the what they need. A person that’s on the autism spectrum is never going to be able to have social interactions in the same way that neurotypical people can, and those social interactions are necessary to being able to function in society. Some people on the spectrum may be able to appear normal on a surface level and will be able to get by, but it’s fucking exhausting. People that have the misfortune to be lower functioning than I am may not be able to mask effectively at all.
That’s without even getting into constrained interests, difficulty with coordination and forming positive habits–I still struggle to remember to brush my teeth daily in my middle age–or executive dysfunction.
I never claimed autism wasn’t a disability. The fact that autistic people are disabled in some ways isn’t in question. But its neither just a disability or - like all disabilities - something that isn’t disabling by virtue of the world its part of rather than its intrinsic nature.
For example, you say an autistic person cannot experience social interaction in the same way as a non autistic person. True. But the non autistic person can, with very little adjustment, be aware of that. My kids have good relationships with NT friends and whilst they might not experience them in the same way as NT friendships, they still find them fulfilling.
Those people are likely your kids’ best friends. Your kids are likely not their best friends.
Aside from marrying someone that is also neurodivergent, it is unlikely that your children will ever be the best friend of another person. They may be the friend that offers the most help, the person that always shows up to the party with lots of food and a keg, the ones that are always there with tape, boxes, and a truck when someone needs to pack up and move, the one with a spare couch when someone needs a place to stay for a couple days. …But not the best friend. If they’re very, very lucky, they’ll end up married to someone else that is also neurodivergent; otherwise, they may end up married to someone that is neurotypical, and will be taken advantage of and/or abused by their partner for their entire life.
That’s what you’re missing.
Social interactions end up being lopsided, and can never be anything but.
Yes 95% of your friends aren’t your best friends. They have their own struggle and hardships to deal with. So yes, in your situation both side needed to focus on themselves.
Lastly before being worried about the general population not including you in their social circles, did you ask yourself why you would be in their circles ? Because you were colleagues ? Or neighbour. I also am in a situation were I have virtually no friends and it fucking hurts. Loneliness fucking hurts, it ache the minds and psychology its among the worst pain I ever felt.
Though in the past years I’ve looked not for others but for things that passionated me first. And there I found people which liked me and that I liked. Some people are wildly different than me, others are likeminded but we connected. I don’t know my classmates but I have a few friends among my martial arts club. And I am not unhappy of the lack of connexion I have with my class, I don’t think we’d really fit. Despite the social constructs that claims a student’s first circle must be his class, I don’t, and its fine, I just look elsewhere for people, in place where I fit.
The people that want to restrict reproduction are acting like eugenicists? I’m shocked. This is my shocked face.
Adopting is great. Not everyone should do it.
Autism is difficult. Their lives are not ruined.
I can see some of the arguments of antinatalists but the online culture of it seems to have a nihilism/blackpill problem.
It’s autism, not a death sentence.
To me, it seems like online discussions for any stance, has to turn to it’s most extreme. It’s like their way or highway type of deal. Whatever happened to nuanced discussion, I wonder.
If I may take a moment to ask… what the fuck are you on about, OP? Absolutely nothing in the screenshot suggests anything even remotely related to eugenics. You took that leap all on your own.
I don’t know. I hate the fact that I was born autistic. Unlike a lot of autistic people, I refuse to think of it as some kind of ‘superpower’ or positive thing.
I was born defective. I’m literally a broken human who doesn’t function correctly.
I know that I sure as hell wish I wasn’t born, and whilst I’m sure those mothers are going to do a great job with their children, I also don’t think that I should have children at the risk of passing it down and letting another person suffer the way I have.
I feel like everyone in this thread are arguing two different things. “My neurodivergence has made my life hell and I wish I never existed in the first place” and “you can live a fullfilling life with neurodivergence” aren’t conflicting concepts to me.
We think similarly. Autism makes life difficult. I think scanning for defective genes early in pregnancy is worthwhile to avoid life destroying issues.
Of course autism has a scale of sorts, you can still live somewhat normally, but it sure as hell doesn’t feel beneficial
My life is hard, therefore I am okay with eugenics
Yeah righto, mate. Sucks for you, but maybe we should just make life easier for the disabled instead of preventing us from existing entirely. Just a thought.
If you were never born then no harm no foul. Nobody is suggesting purging the living.
There are people who suggest that, though
Yeah sure, but when people single out particular demographics as being somehow less deserving of life, people within those demographics who don’t hate their lives tend to get pissy about it for some reason. Go figure.
You are so, so privileged in this regard, you know that right?
It’s like insane the amount of luck you have to be in your position in life where you are autistic and happy and supported and capable of interacting with the world and rich enough to enjoy it.
It’s wonderful you and the others in this thread like you are so privileged. You are rare and that is special and I’m genuinely very glad you all had a chance to exist.
But I have to ask: why do you get to override the views and beliefs of those in the autistic community who are not as privileged as you? You don’t speak for us, just as we don’t/can’t for you. We’re not advocating for eugenics or telling anyone how to live their lives. All we’ve done is talk about ethics and not procreated.
So many of us with autism struggle immensly our whole lives, the world around us is so overwhelming, many of us cannot communicate efficiently or at all, and many of us are isolated, vulnerable to abuse and/or have been abused.
Why are you so angry with us for sharing with our autistic community that our lives are so difficult that we wouldn’t want to have children who would suffer far worse that we have?Maybe you can’t comprehend this? Idk. Maybe you think we’re too autistic and retarded to have our own voice and make decisions about our own bodies?
This instance on us needing to happily want to add more overwhelmed and suicidal offspring to the already overwhelmed suicidal world around us, is creepy.
It really is great that you are young and privileged and hopefull enough to want to make the world a better place because you have so much faith for humanity changing and everything, but we’re kinda running out of time for all that now.
Potential offspring will suffer worse than any of us ever have as climate collapse and resource depletion, and not to mention the global rise in fascism, economic collapse (and potentially ww3) and all happening and escalating in the very real near future.But you keep protesting and doing your social activism work though, I hope it works out for you and you succeed in making having autism easier for people like you and all your children, and you all enjoy the few decades we all have left before the food and water run out and the planet becomes to hot and unstable for human life.
You do you. And let us do our thing please.It’s like insane the amount of luck you have to be in your position in life where you are autistic and happy and supported and capable of interacting with the world and rich enough to enjoy it.
Autism is a spectrum, not a binary. It is likely that the vast majority of autistic people lead lives that are, for want of a better word, ‘normal’.
Of course, it could also be that all people are autistic to some extent.
Yeah, I am very privileged in a lot of ways. I understand that much, and am extremely grateful for it. I also understand that my opinions are at least in part derived from my privileged personal experience. You’re absolutely right in that I cannot speak to the experience of someone who lacks the support I have. I just think that of the billions whose lives are less privileged than my own, many would nevertheless consider their lives to be worth living. I find it tragic when some don’t, but I don’t think that that is necessarily a universally held opinion by the underprivileged.
I just have to ask: why do you insist on putting questions to me that have false premises? Nowhere in this thread have I said that mine is the universal Autistic^TM view, and yet you ask me why I feel I have the right to override people’s opinions. Hell, I don’t think anyone else in this thread has argued that there is any obligation to procreate. On the contrary, I have seen people people making the universal claim that autistic lives are especially not worth living and making the prescriptive claim that autists should not reproduce. That is a eugenicist argument.
So you and all the other’s in this thread who have been actively insulting and angry and putting words like ‘eugenics’ in our mouths to shut us down, and calling us stupid, mentally ill, edgelords and psychopaths etc.
You don’t think you’ve been overriding our views as members of the autistic community? Or claiming we are wrong and dangerously mentally unsound for holding them? And you haven’t seen anyone advocating for this topic to be banned on social media so we can no longer discuss it?..
Your opinion that autistic people with antinatalist views are advocating eugenics, is so full of logical fallacies I felt like a dick writing them all out (I can put them back if you want tho, I’m just trying not to be too offensive here).
Most people who hear about antinatalism assume stupid shit and get angry and start with the character insults and accusations of racism and eugenics, and about how antinatalism means wanting to mass murder and segregate society.
And most people, like you, refuse to listen when it’s explained.
Antinatalists are individuals who have independantly chosen not to procreate for the shared ethical reason of reducing suffering.
I doubt most antinatalists are even aware of the term, they’re just people who have looked at the world around them and chosen not to add to it because it’s awful.
And yeah, as a person with basic empathy It’s really hard to look at the world and not feel sad when you learn people willingly procreate with debilitating hereditary conditions and are knowingly bringing potential suffering into the world for purely selfish reasons.
This is not a world ANYONE should be looking at and wanting to bring more life into, autistic or not.
Talking about it being upsetting and unethical isn’t advocating for eugenics.
Antinatalists, autistic or otherwise, aren’t forcing anyone to do anything, and talking about our feelings isn’t hurting anyone unless folk like you decide to assume nasty shit about us and be rude.
Antinatalists having this conversation somewhere you can see it, are not some eugenist plot to harm people with a sterility causing memetic virus, nor is it some wild attempt at converting the masses into ‘’“genetic purity”" by forcing idiots like you to call us names because you won’t fucking read what we’re even actually saying but you’re convinced we’re evil.
I genuinely doubt most antinatalists even really talk about this anywhere but online in antinatalist spaces, and when it comes up on other forums like it has here. It’s not exactly light conversation to have irl when most people react like they have here, or worse.
.
And forgive me if this is a false equivalency but if you believe antinatalism is stupid and we’re all crazy eugenicists for not passing down our suffering, but apparently don’t believe we should instead be popping out kids like bunnies and gurning about how great everything is,
what do you want from us instead then?To just not fucking talk about it?
(Sorry, I failed at not being offensive. I’m too tired to care much right now though tbh but if it’s any consolation, it’s really not personal, I’m just tired, hate most people, and trying to finish this before i go to bed)
maybe we should just make life easier for the disabled
So when is that gonna happen
Believe it or not, some people are actually working on that instead of just giving up on the world ever improving.
As someone on the spectrum its ridiculous to say there life ruined first off its a spectrum so who knows how server there condition is and they can learn to live with help
Antinatalism is the prelude to ecofascism.
Why do they think autism is some sort of horror story where kids suffer in agony or something?
Autism Speaks played a huuuge part in making that the dominant narrative about autism for the past 20 years or so.
In the 00s (maybe early 10s?) one of the videos they made for parents of newly diagnosed children had a parent talking about how she was considering driving off a bridge to kill herself and her autistic child, but didn’t because her non-autistic child was also in the car. This was presented as totally normal and just a way to prepare for how an autistic child will ruin your life.
Autism Speaks is disgusting. What an awful organization. I wish more people knew that.
I really hate those guys, is ok you don’t want kids, don’t push it on everyone else.
We have to fix the world one way or another and thruth be told, I think that being so bleak helps nobody.
ITT: people advocating eugenics on themselves. I hate it. I hate seeing it. And stuff like this is psychologically destructive to read for me.
If people here don’t like others with similar traits to them advocating that their life and perspective is not valuable and that they should hate it and wish no-one new experience it, I recommend avoiding this thread - even moreso if you have suicidal tendencies. It was very upsetting for me ;-;, even though I personally have no intent to have kids.
frfr, it’s so fucking tragic.
Antinatalist here - the rhetoric in that post is horrible, and is not representative of antinatalism as a whole.
Antinatalism isn’t the belief that a certain group shouldn’t reproduce - it’s that nobody should. The world is fucked, and nonconsensually bringing anyone into it is morally reprehensible. It’s not eugenics, it’s voluntary extinctionism.
For the people that have been born, however, everyone deserves respect and equity. Ableism, or any other kind of discrimination, is just wrong, and makes you a shitty person. Just like the person who made that post.
Wow, the Church of Shar exists in the real world.
I think your belief system is a rare example actual Evil. You’re literally advocating for the elimination of music, of art, of science, of anyone who could even appreciate those things. No more Rembrandt or Dali or Mozart or … anything. And you’ve gotten so twisted up inside, ostensibly because some people live sad, hard lives, that you think that’s a good thing.
Dude, find a therapist. This is no way to live.
I’m advocating for the elimination of poverty, disease, death, pollution, war, hate, and all human suffering.
Sure, there are some neat things in this world that are worth experiencing if you were forced to live. If you’re already alive, of course you should seek to find happiness and enjoyment in the little time you have.
Still doesn’t justify forcing more people into the world to exacerbate the problems we have - overpopulation being a major one.
It’s not evil. Things were fine before us, and things will be fine after us.
“Things” were not observable by anything with the capability to designate them as such, so no they were not “fine” in any meaningful sense of the word.
You’re literally doing the speech the villain does to make him seem reasonable.
I am literally begging you to find a therapist.
Semantics, but if you really want to get into it, a lack of ability for things to be good or bad is still better than the existence and perpetuation of suffering.
Also, responding to differing worldviews with “see a therapist” and comparing them to a villain is fucking disgusting
Isn’t it just the belief that nobody should have kids though? I’d have thought the while extinction part would rank higher than the culture loss. And evil seems a bit extreme, sounds more like apathy and loss of hope to me. Not saying there aren’t some messed up people in the group though.
sounds more like apathy and loss of hope to me.
Yeah, this. My biggest issue with the fundamental anti-natalist position is that it’s a totally blackpilled one that ultimately devalues any positive experiences life brings when compared with even the potential for any bad thing to happen, regardless of magnitude.
Brother if you think advocating for less population is “actual Evil” you’re in for a real hard time out in the world.
They’re not advocating for a lower population. They’re advocating for human extinction.
As in, we should all let the torch of consciousness burn out. I don’t know if I’d call it evil, but it’s definitely one of those severely misguided takes that you almost exclusively see on the internet.
It’s not eugenics, it’s voluntary extinctionism.
“Don’t worry guys, that person doesn’t represent us - what they should have said is that they wish for all of humanity to die out.”
This is an absolutely insane thing to advocate for. I hope you come to realize that in time.
I’m not saying we should kill people, I’m saying making more is wrong.
It is a nonconsensual act whereupon you are forcing life and all its travesty onto another being, when they were perfectly fine not existing.
Call me insane if you want, I couldn’t care less. Humans are a plague upon both other humans and this planet as a whole, and bringing someone else into the world to be both a victim and perpetrator of the issue is wrong.
I think your perspective about life is blinded by pessimism, and you’re treating that pessimism as absolute fact. Many people view life as a wonderful thing, are thrilled to exist for the time that they do, and see creating a new life to experience the wonders of living as a gift.
Humans are a plague upon both other humans and this planet as a whole
You’re sounding like Agent Smith from the matrix. Come on. Unplug from the negative feedback loop for a bit.
You call it pessimism, I call it realism.
There are good things to experience, yes. If you’re already alive, then by all means, seek to find happiness and enjoyment. Don’t force someone else into that endless struggle. You can make no guarantees that their life won’t be one of pure suffering, and that’s not a risk I’m willing to take.
And again, we are destroying this planet - not just for us, but for all life on it. We are the problem.
You call it pessimism, I call it realism.
Says every person with depression ever.
I agree with the other commenter recommending therapy. When you don’t see it as “life is pain and the future is hopeless”, you might sound less like a scifi villain calling for human extinction.
“Existence is suffering” is a foundational tenet for many worldviews and religions, not just antinatalism. Existence is literally the first cause to all suffering - no existence, no suffering.
Acknowledging that doesn’t make me depressed or pessimistic, it’s just acceptance how things are.
You’re free to live in whatever fantasy you want, though. That’s your right.
Also, responding to differing worldviews with “get help” is generally bad form
Your worldview is literally calling for the extinction of all humans. You need to come back to reality and stop convincing yourself that this is normal or healthy.
Dude if people really have such a problem with life, they can in fact opt out of it at pretty much any point down the line.
If someone experiences so much suffering that they are pushed to “opt out of it”, it would have been better not to force them to live and experience the suffering in the first place. Just because someone can take themselves out of it doesn’t make the suffering okay to inflict.
So if your kid doesn’t want to fight in the water wars you’re just gonna say “lol kys nerd”? Tragic.
Firstly, I don’t have a kid. Being sterile (and also just not wanting any), I am quite unlikely to ever have a kid. Ideally we as a society would work to avoid water wars happening. My point is that we should improve our collective state of affairs somewhat, rather than resigning ourselves to the idea that to exist is to suffer like a bunch of loser doomers.
There’s no fixing to this shit and deep down you know this.
I saw how humanity got together to deal with COVID. Spoiler: they fucking didn’t.
What a garbage species we are.
I think antinatalism is a really interesting philosophy. But it falls apart as soon as you discriminate - It is fair to question the ethics of reproduction, but as soon as you discriminate you end up in eugenics territory. This subreddit is really hostile sadly. there is a lot of ableism under the disguise of antinatalism
The antinatalism subreddit (and similar groups elsewhere) is one of the most toxic places on the internet. It just reeks of hatred, and worse yet, treats that hatred as some sort of virtue.
Go live your life however you want, kids or no. But grouping up to talk shit about children or people who start families is just gross.
“It’s not a toxic stew of depression and misanthropy guys, it’s a totally valid belief system!”
This isn’t the first time I’ve seen it here or on reddit either, and it’s honestly sad.
These groups always seem like doomers who have ingested so much negativity that they’ve developed depression. Either that, or they’re taking the loooong way to just telling their moms that they don’t want to start a family.
Taking a quick look at the comments I see we’re back to 2000s autism speaks bullshit.
Autistic people aren’t suffering unless you’re putting them in a system that treats them as subhuman.
Autistic people aren’t suffering unless you’re putting them in a system that treats them as subhuman.
Ah, I see you’re familiar with society as well.
Quite a few people here on the comments are siding with the antinatalist narrative, but I don’t think this is rational at all, in fact it’s dangerous. Sure, you can individually opt to not bring more people into the world because you believe it would bring more suffering than happiness, but if this rhetoric spreads, the logical conclusion (heavily extrapolating without considering anything else) is the end of humanity which solves nothing, and while it prevents suffering, it also prevents happiness. If done and advocated in the pretext that we are ruining the planet, that certain people shouldn’t be born, and other similar reasoning then this just reeks of ecofascism or plain fascism, and eugenics.
It’s easy for us to buy into the narrative that we are all inherently bad and that we as humans are destroying the environment and the world, but this is not true, it’s not me and you who are doing this, this is not a human trait, it’s a consequence of the system we live in that incentivizes profit above all else. Why do you think awareness, support and accommodations for us needs to be fought over? Because it’s expensive and doesn’t guarantee profit, and the same can be said about the environment and the way corporations are literally burning the planet. Profit and accumulation of capital above all else, that is the rule.
There’s only one way out of this nightmare that will give us the tools to revert the damage and actually build a society and world that will accept us, accommodate to us, liberate people and save the planet, and it’s through organizing, studying and fighting.
We are in absolutely no danger of ever going extinct. You can never get enough people to use contraceptives or practice abstinence. You can’t even get people to wear masks!
I agree, I was exaggerating for the argument because I think antinatalism as a whole is dangerous, not for the made up scenario of humanity going extinct, but for the eugenics/fascism side.
