Not so funny when it actually happens to you:
Because of really bad experiences with alcoholics as a child, I am afraid of people who drink. My psychologist and my doctor wrote that down.
When I became seriously ill and could no longer work in my old job, I had to retrain. To do this, you have to go to the German employment office and get an assessment of your strengths and weaknesses, including what your doctor and therapist have to say.
They read the paper from my doctor and my psychologist, but just skimmed over the words and decided that because the word “alcoholic” was there, I must be the alcoholic. They told me that I could get paid retraining and benefits, but only if I attended a therapy group for alcoholics once a week - me, who is afraid of alcoholics because of the abuse I suffered as a child. … I immediately started crying and swore that I had no problem with alcohol, only with alcoholics!
It took 6 months to get someone at the job centre to actually read the papers word for word to find out that me saying “I’m not an alcoholic” was not me being an alcoholic in denial. I got a half-assed apology and my retraining 6 months after I could have started it because of this. Not to mention that every time I refused to go to AA meetings they threatened to take away my benefits and I was in such a bad mental state that I probably would have killed myself without the help of my family. Oh, and my family who tried to intervene were labelled as co-alcoholics, holding me back.
That is terrible and I am so sorry.
They do AA in Germany? I thought that pseudo science was just an American thing.
Group therapy is pseudo-science?
Others have mentioned it, but to elaborate, Alcoholics Anonymous is not merely sitting in a circle and sharing your problems, but a belief system which requires you to submit to a higher power to move forward.
Knew a guy who insisted he wasn’t addicted, but he can’t go a day without attending an AA meeting. 40 years, non stop. Even when in other countries for work, he finds them. Left his own daughters wedding dinner to make it to one.
He runs his own chapter where he lives. He’s had people follow the steps, sure, but some don’t. No matter how successful the latter are, he tears them apart for “not doing it right” and has turned his back on them for not following how he did it.
It’s because denial is part of being an alcoholic. The same goes with being called a liar.
Except when it’s not. I so much hate this rhetoric. You know what? You can freely think that I am one, and I genuinely think I’m not. If you think that I am one, that’s your problem, not mine. That’s why OP’s question is so hard to answer. Because everybody is just parroting this rhetoric.
And “you are clearly an alcoholic” comments in 3, 2, 1…
You can freely think that I am one, and I genuinely think I’m not. If you think that I am one, that’s your problem, not mine.
I mean that’s exactly the issue lol. You might not be an alcoholic, but if you were there’s a solid chance you’d deny that fact.There is a good reason why parts of the 12 step program involve admitting and recognizing that there is a problem, and it’s not limited to alcoholism but substance abuse in general.
A lot of people who genuinely need help refuses to see or admit that they do.
I mean, I am an alcoholic, so. I’m doing better though. I’m trying to only drink when offered one (from a trusted source) and that’s been going ok so far. And since all of you are so very concerned, I have received over 300 hours of formal, licensed therapy which I have used to inform my selection of supporters and the mechanisms they use to support me. If you are licensed in one of the forms of therapy that have been invented in the past year and therefore one of the only ones I haven’t tried yet, please PM me your number because I am very interested.
I’m going to go out on a limb and say that’s a bad idea
Yeah I’m going to have to agree. I’m an alcoholic myself and this is a problematic way of living with it. Moderation seldom works for alcoholics as it is and by putting your choice to drink on someone else’s offerings seems to just be a way to escape any blame should it end in full relapse.
Everybody’s journey is different though so I’m not going to judge. But at no point was I able to stop drinking until I straight stopped drinking. As they say “one drink is too much and a hundred isn’t enough.”
Every single one of these concerns has already been addressed (for instance I have already received over 300 hours of formal therapy to date). Thank you for your time.
Therapy doesn’t stop an addiction. Cessation does.
You’ve already admitted you can’t control your drinking and have to rely on other people and random chance to do it for you.
You do you though.
Yeah that’s not what S.M.A.R.T. therapy said, and it’s both evidence-based and grounded in modern therapeutic practices. I’m sorry your only experience with addiction therapy has been the archaic hyperreligiosity of AA and that you were never taught any kind of coping skills for urges other than increased spirituality, which honestly explains a lot about why people who have only received that as their therapy are never capable of learning moderation, and why it doesn’t work AT ALL for behaviorally based addictions like food or sex (how do you stop eating?). Anyway I’m going to keep drinking the single beverage my life partner brings me at parties like I have for a few years now. I very well might need to change my strategy in a few years. Fortunately that is something else I learned how to do in S.M.A.R.T…
Your “therapy” is SMART meetings? Remember when they had to shut down their 24/7 chat because of sexual predators?
But yeah, I know nothing about that, according to you. Also, I’m somehow religious because I think a self admitted alcoholic shouldn’t drink?
There’s also secular aa meetings where people openly bash religion, but what do I know, I am super religious after all /s
Have fun buddy.
yes, the one based on christian puritanism is doing muuuch better. And I’ve also done CBT, DBT, WRAP, and yes, even AA because there’s something to learn from everyone. DBT is the one I’m professionally trained in, though.
Can I try to gently press that a little?
I would feel awful if I found out I had been enabling someone’s alcoholism, especially if they only allowed it because they trusted me and I offered them drinks. I have ADHD and autism, so I understand making yourself hard and fast rules to avoid having to make your own self control (I’m not saying that’s definitely what you’re doing).
Could you perhaps try gradually increasing the rules one by one so that in the end there’s basically no scenario in which you drink? I’m talking: a trusted person offers it to you; it’s a weekend; it’s nice weather out; your whole house is clean; you’ve got extra cash; you ate healthy that day; you are already in a good mood; your beloved (hopefully incapable, for this situation) sports team has won; you talked to two relatives that day, etc. I’m not a therapist, but that works for me. The problem is when I mess up- my rules are great for keeping me out of trouble, but they make me spiral if/when I do break them. You might have to figure out a combination of zero tolerance for “mistakes” and allowing yourself to make actual mistakes without spiraling.
Every single one of these concerns has already been addressed (for instance I have already received over 300 hours of formal therapy to date). Thank you for your time.
