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The Picard Maneuver@lemmy.world to Funny: Home of the Haha@lemmy.world · 7 days ago

They're here to save your soul

lemmy.world

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They're here to save your soul

lemmy.world

The Picard Maneuver@lemmy.world to Funny: Home of the Haha@lemmy.world · 7 days ago
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  • underwire212@lemm.ee
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    6 days ago

    Ah yes because Jesus was known for his condescending, judgmental attitudes against others.

    • madcaesar@lemmy.world
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      6 days ago

      Is Jesus God? Because God had some pretty shitty things to say about women and gay folk. 🤷‍♂️

      • funkless_eck@sh.itjust.works
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        6 days ago

        that would be an ecumenical matter

        • Slovene@feddit.nl
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          6 days ago

          How right you are, Father. How right you are!

      • underwire212@lemm.ee
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        6 days ago

        The Old Testament, to me at least, is essentially worthless. It has likely been mistranslated and misinterpreted over the many, many centuries of its existence to the point where its original meaning (if it had any in the first place) is gone.

        The NT is at least more readable and contains quite a bit of wisdom. Message is pretty simple: essentially, love and forgive others. Which we could all do more of, especially in this day and age.

        What I don’t necessarily agree with is needing obedience to a central dogma or organized religion…I think the only thing that matters is how you live your life and treat others. Doesn’t matter the religion, or lack of religion. We are all equal.

      • bennypr0fane@discuss.tchncs.de
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        6 days ago

        That’s the thing about Jesus. He was sent to earth to finally be nice to humans by his vengeful, controlling father, as a gesture of reconciliation.

        • madcaesar@lemmy.world
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          6 days ago

          God sounds like a massive piece of shit.

          Women must be subservient to men! Stone the gays! You can own human beings as property!

          JK! LOL Here’s my son, you can torture him to death in a horrific fashion, so we’re cool, right?

          No man… We’re pretty damn far from cool…

      • moseschrute@lemmy.zip
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        6 days ago

        Yeah but kids are often more progressive than the parents

  • Zip2@feddit.uk
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    6 days ago

    Can bukake be used as a baptism if it happens in a church?

    • JackbyDev@programming.dev
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      6 days ago

      The church I grew up believed in immersion, not sprinkling. It’s not a no, but it’s gonna be more difficult.

      • Zip2@feddit.uk
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        6 days ago

        Logistical problems aside, if it’s a non-Newtonian fluid, it’s going to be an issue.

        • JackbyDev@programming.dev
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          5 days ago

          We’ll deal with them walking on it if and when it happens

      • Tangent5280@lemmy.world
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        6 days ago

        I am church contracted cum supplier, noseplugs sold separately

    • prole@lemmy.blahaj.zone
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      6 days ago

      Now there’s a brand new sentence (probably)

      • funkless_eck@sh.itjust.works
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        6 days ago

        nah I bet you could find a dozen death metal bands with that as the lyrics

    • knightmare1147@lemmy.world
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      6 days ago

      Thank you, Internet.

    • Omega@discuss.online
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      6 days ago

      What the fuck

      • Zip2@feddit.uk
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        6 days ago

        Well it’s obvious Becca wants to open up and be filled with the Holy Spirit, and that got me thinking.

        Let’s face it, that question has probably been at least thought of by Catholic priests before.

  • Rai@lemmy.dbzer0.com
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    7 days ago

    my partner and I did some butthole fingering at midnight up against a church the year we started dating

    we’ve been together for 13 years

    thank you jesus

    • outhouseperilous@lemmy.dbzer0.com
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      6 days ago

      My first time was while vandalizing a church. Yeah it was pretty great. Be this couple’s unicorn.

    • JackbyDev@programming.dev
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      6 days ago

      It’s called the loophole!

      • DragonTypeWyvern@midwest.social
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        6 days ago

        If the loophole works it means God is okay with gay sex

        • JackbyDev@programming.dev
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          6 days ago

          Why do you think he put the prostate up there? 🤭

  • hperrin@lemmy.ca
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    6 days ago

    The sound like the second most insufferable couple ever, right after the couple that is going through a very public breakup right now.

  • BodePlotHole@lemmy.world
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    7 days ago

    If I saw this in the wild, I’d immediately hire the most attractive single person I could find to reply to this ad, go to church with them, and low-key try to have sex with either/both of them on the side

    • Lemminary@lemmy.world
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      6 days ago

      I’ve found Bible Satan.

      • BodePlotHole@lemmy.world
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        6 days ago

        If that’s me, I hope it pays better than my current job…

  • 🇰 🌀 🇱 🇦 🇳 🇦 🇰 🇮 @pawb.social
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    7 days ago

    Weird way of looking for a threesome with another threesome but okay.

    • RBWells@lemmy.world
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      6 days ago

      “Come with us!”

  • JackbyDev@programming.dev
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    6 days ago

    Cum with us!

  • ssillyssadass@lemmy.world
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    6 days ago

    No thanks, Satan gave me a good deal for mine.

  • dylanmorgan@sh.itjust.works
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    7 days ago

    Would. Both of them.

    • Sivecano@lemmy.dbzer0.com
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      7 days ago

      The only correct response

    • pleasegoaway@lemm.ee
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      6 days ago

      “Come with us”

  • Lord Wiggle@lemmy.world
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    7 days ago

    I’m willing to go to church on her, not interested in the guy though

    • altphoto@lemmy.today
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      7 days ago

      Give him a chance. He just wants to watch.

      • Lord Wiggle@lemmy.world
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        7 days ago

        Fine by me, I’ll teach him a few things like finding the clitoris

        • altphoto@lemmy.today
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          7 days ago

          OK but that’s not her name.

    • BenLeMan@lemmy.world
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      6 days ago

      As long as you only soak it, he won’t be able to object.

  • M137@lemmy.world
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    7 days ago

    *this is a real offer to cum with us!!

    • sebsch@discuss.tchncs.de
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      7 days ago

      With Jesus’ little extra

  • Sidyctism II.@discuss.tchncs.de
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    i dont care if you call him “little extra jesus”, spencer, PUT HIM AWAY IN CHURCH

  • Ephera@lemmy.ml
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    7 days ago

    Hey, no kink shaming.

    • pneumatron@sh.itjust.works
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      7 days ago

      deleted by creator

  • Lovable Sidekick@lemmy.world
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    6 days ago

    Becca and Spencer and some faint gray streaks on white background.

  • Grimy@lemmy.world
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    7 days ago

    If you are young enough, church and tinder end up serving the same use so the concept isn’t that crazy.

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